Step-father was a real piece of.. work. He's remarried and recreated his life - Some days I want to clue his wife in to his past
2020.10.31 19:48 WhosThatGirI_ItsJess Step-father was a real piece of.. work. He's remarried and recreated his life - Some days I want to clue his wife in to his past
This is gonna be a long one guys.
My step-father came into the picture when I was about 3. A military man willing to take on a single mom with two rambunctious kids, he was an alright guy. I remember him trying to adopt my brother and me pretty quickly, have us take his last name, show us that we were a "real family".
At around 8, my mom was tired of deployments and being alone with us (plus my toddler half-brother) so he left the service and became a sheriff. Always the upstanding citizen, right?
At 11 my mom was diagnosed stage 4 terminal cancer. The docs gave her a 6 month prognosis. There were surgeries to try though, plus chemo and radiation to give her more time, so they started treatment immediately. By some miracle, she went into remission and got another 2 good years before it metastasized, 6 years total before it took her.
Her being sick changed him though, as I'm sure it would change anyone. There are so many things I vividly remember, how he started working only night shifts and left my mom alone. How he refused to get her a cell phone (2000) and when he did, he'd refuse to carry his because he called it a leash, tethering him to her even when he was gone. How I did the Relay for Life every year and he'd take donation envelopes to work and when he'd return them, all the cash donations were removed and the names were scratched out. I remember having to put a key lock on my bedroom door because he'd take money or jewelry during regular room searches. I remember the first time he pulled his firearm on us. I remember him laying on the hallway floor with a listening device hooked to headphones that he would put under the crack of my older brothers door to hear what his friends were talking about.. I remember being on the phone in my room and hearing the soft scrape as the microphone was slid under my door too.
By 16, he was gone. He packed up our only working vehicle and my younger half-brother and he moved out-of-state in the middle of the night. My older brother was out of the picture at this point, so it was just my mom and I when we found the eviction notice on the front door. Apparently he'd taken her (and me) off the insurance and hadn't paid mortgage or power or gas in months.. But they were married, right? He's still responsible? Nope. Asking my mom what we were going to do, she tells me about how when they went to refinance the house he "forgot" to bring his license/social/birth certificate and put it all in her name, saying he'd add himself once he remembered that darn paperwork. Same with all the utilities, and he put her on phone plan where you buy minute cards from the gas station instead of an actual carrier with a monthly bill.
It was a whirlwind from there, we had to sell anything and everything to try and find a new place. I dropped out of high school and started working. The town picked up our story and did a mini-series in the paper that got some attention and we were pushed to the top of low-income housing thankfully. They got us set up with a very old (but running!) van so I could keep taking mom to chemo, she wasn't able to walk at that point and had an electric wheelchair that had also been gifted. I remember him coming back months later to apologize and say he didn't mean to permanently leave, he only wanted to "take a break". She wouldn't let him in the house. She sat there outside in her wheelchair ignoring his gifts to woo her, and I watched as he started screaming and throwing full bottles of wine at a woman unable to run away. He left before anyone arrived, last thing I heard is that I'd brainwashed her and that I was responsible for ruining what he trying to offer her.
In that last year, she had frequent panic attacks. Anxiety about dying, and dying alone. About keeping secrets and how she didn't want to die with anything on her conscience but also said he'd kill her if she said anything. In the end, I learned quite a bit.
He had a BIG problem with drugs. He'd enlisted in the military as a way to sober up but that only lasted as long as he served. While he was a sheriff, he'd bring home inmate request forms (IE: Can I have a new pillow or blanket or someone added to visitation) and share them with friends to mock the spelling/grammageneral wants. He had a gambling problem. He tried to con his job out of workers-comp money, staged a fall and landed wrong and actually ending up hurting himself, requiring multiple surgeries. When the sheriffs gave him his pension, he gambled that away too. He slept around, a lot. Men and women, even having another child. He would have the other woman drop off the infant to my mom to babysit.. My half-brother still isn't aware that HE'S got a younger half-brother. My step-father even planned on running away with one of these women and let my mom know the plan, a woman who was one of my mom's best friends. This woman came back for my mom's funeral.. They shared a hotel room. As for the funeral itself, there was a good turnout but we were expecting more.. The next day I woke up to a slew of calls from people wondering where we were at - He'd called everyone he didn't like and told them we'd rescheduled the service, so that they all missed it.
The list goes on and on, really. I haven't spoken to him in almost 16 years and for the most part I don't pay him any mind. Her birthday just passed though and remembering her and what she had to endure makes my blood boil.
I know this man abandoned my mother, messed up my brothers life pretty well (shared drugs with his son to hangout; son got hooked, dropped out of school and was homeless last I heard), and is now living this wonderful life with a new woman. They sent me an invite to their reception. Apparently he's an awesome grandpa to her little ones too.
I've kept these secrets all these years because I promised my mother. She needed to unburden so I told her I'd take the responsibility. I know the past is past and trying to blow up his life now is probably unhealthy and just plain petty. Maybe he's changed? I know I have in all this time. But part of me wants to make sure that new woman knows what she's in for and what to expect down the line.
Leave the past alone or reach out? I'm okay with staying quiet, it's been so long. Can't help hoping this new wife never gets sick though :/
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2020.10.31 19:46 IBMadMan I Should Never Have Carved That Pumpkin
Halloween is my favorite holiday. As far as I am concerned, it is not just a day, but a whole season onto itself. From midnight on October 1st, it is Halloween. Orange and black and slimy green and potion purple and blood-dripping red. The movies, both genuinely scary and playfully creepy. A month long excuse to eat junk food, with a touch of moderation of course, and festive drinks. Crisper weather, just right for hay rides, haunted houses, and pumpkin picking.
A major cliché, I know. But, I can’t help it. Clichés tend to be clichés because there is a hint of truth in them. The hint of truth in this matter is that Halloween is a wonderful holiday and there are plenty of damn good reasons why so many people love it.
Or I’m just a basic white with; Halloween word play and all.
It doesn’t really matter.
Regardless, my friends and I have had our Halloween traditions for as long as I can remember. The first weekend before the big day, we decorate. When we were kids we would each help decorate at each other’s houses, but now that we are adults we pretty much do the same thing. It’s gotten a little easier now that a few of us our roommates. That hasn’t cut down on the number of decorations by any stretch of the imagination, but there are fewer stops to make.
The second week we all go out to pick pumpkins and then carve them together. This always ends with a little competition. Each person ranks all the others and points are awarded for higher rankings. We used a much less sophisticated system as kids that usually devolved into us yelling at each other after a few minutes and then gloating about how great each was shortly after that.
The third weekend is all about the costumes. Admittedly, we think about our costumes all year long, but the third weekend is crunch time. We hangout and plan them out as best we can before going shopping and toiling away the rest of the weekend, making the odds and ends that we need for that year’s perfect get up.
Finally, the fourth weekend is the big show. If Halloween doesn’t fall on the weekend, all the better. That just stretches it out even more. Parties just overflowing with all of the afore mentioned holiday treats for as many days and nights as we can squeeze them in.
Well, this story really starts in the days leading up to the second weekend. Year after year after however many years we’ve been doing this, my pumpkin always came in either second or third. I honestly can’t remember a time that Remi didn’t win the pumpkin carving contest. And not just the ones between our little group, but at school field days, church functions, you name it.
I so badly wanted to win. Even just once. Remi didn’t even care that much about Halloween. I mean, I’m sure that she loved it, but it was not the same as the rest of us. Especially myself. I needed to win at least once.
So, this year I decided to get a bit of a leg up on my competition. I started plotting out my Jack-O-Lantern in advance. If I could show up with an image not only in mind, but sketched out for practice a few times beforehand that would surely give me an advantage.
I scribbled little ideas that popped into my head and searched around online for inspiration. Looking back, I think the pressure I was putting on myself was making it all the harder, but I don’t care to psycho analyze my All Hallow’s Eve obsessive tendencies right now.
After hours a day, for day after day, I finally felt like giving up. I guess this was another year in the books for Remi. Every year she got herself a new pumpkin pin after winning. She said it was just because she, “thought it was cute at the store,” but we all knew it was her little trophy. She also only ever wore them to the carving competition. It was sickening, really. Yeah, I’m envious of it, but it is still infuriating.
Here’s to another pumpkin pin for Remi I thought as I finally went to call it quits.
Exiting out of dozens of tabs, a little thumbnail at the bottom of one of the pages caught my attention. There was no picture, just orange text on a black background. It read, “Don’t Carve This Curiously Perfect Pumpkin.” At the time it seemed like a fun little bit of spooky theatrics. In hindsight, I should have just heeded the warning.
Clicking the thumbnail took me to a fairly plain website. Black and orange text in the same font, but smaller, scrolled across the page letter by letter in all of its 20 year old HTML glory. The initial link peaked my curiosity, but clicking through dozens of similar pages all playing the game or making it seem haunting and forbidden got a little boring. Something about Halloween history and lore. Something about inclusion and acceptance. Blah blah blah. Absentmindedly clicking the arrow to move forward the screen flashed an image and then it was gone. I had gone too far and missed the Jack-O-Lantern I so desperately sought. Nothing a click back or two couldn’t fix.
Finally, I saw it. It wasn’t the scariest Jack-O-Lantern I had ever seen. Nor was it the most playfully traditional. It was, however, inarguably the most unique. At that moment, I wasn’t exactly sure what categories it would get top marks in, but I knew that it would get them. If executed properly, this work of gourd craftsmanship would be unbeatable.
The pumpkin picture maintained the traditional Jack-O-Lantern elements: wide smile, two big, asymmetrical eyes, and a little pointy nose in the center. The difference lie in that none of these were just simple shapes cut from the flesh. Instead, they were each made of an intricate and overlapping complex series of thinner geometric patterns.
I guess it was a touch traditional, but playful is absolutely not a word I would use to describe it.
I quickly saved the image and over the following days, practiced. First, I drew the shapes dozens of times on loose sheets of paper. Then, I took to sketching them on rounded surfaces like balloons. Why not jump right into practicing on pumpkins? Because those damn things aren’t cheap. The final stage, the night before out friendly competition, was to practice on a real pumpkin. The end result was not perfect, but pretty damn close, if I do say so myself. Which I do. I was as ready as I was going to be, so I smashed that pumpkin and disposed of any evidence I may have been practicing before the big day.
First thing Saturday morning, we all met at the nearest pumpkin patch. It was only a little over an hour away. The hay ride took us out to the patch and then it was a race to find the best pumpkin. When it comes to proper pumpkin carving, it is not all about the largest. That does play a factor. But you also have to consider symmetry, smoothness, stem length, and about a dozen other factors. Now, those don’t have a hard and fast rule of best because even the most lopsided, bubbled pumpkin can be the best depending on what you are going for.
After our pumpkins were picked, we went back to the main store front for a round of warm ciders and early stage trash talk. It always started with compliments to the other’s choices, but that quickly dissolved into nitpicking each and every little flaw. Part of it was good fun, but there is also a slim layer of psychological warfare to pumpkin carving.
Yes, I take Halloween events very seriously.
Back at my townhouse, we set up the cardboard dividers, poured a round of pumpkin ales, and threw on Halloween 4.No, it isn’t the best in the franchise, but it is nostalgic for us. As kids we were usually trick or treating when the Halloween marathon started and didn’t get home with checked bags of candy until the fourth was starting. Danielle Harris is queen. Fight me on it.
Then the carving began. Globs of guts and seeds flying. Chunks of unneeded, orange flesh slapping to the ground where it missed the trash buckets. The yell of an occasional joke followed by a chorus of, “shut the fuck up,” and, “stop distracting us.” A timer on the TV stand steadily counting down the 90 minute time limit. Why we needed the timer when Halloween 4 is 92 minutes was beyond me, but it was part of it nonetheless.
When the timer was up and the credits were rolling, we all stepped back to unveil our creations. I’m not going to sit here and describe every Jack-O-Lantern, but just trust me when I say that they were all very high quality. Everyone came with their A game this year. Even, as much as I hate to say it, Remi had done as amazing job with hers. At first glance, I was still a little nervous about my chances. That was, until everyone started gloating over how much they loved mine.
Moments later, the score sheets were in and we tallied them up as a group. It wasn’t the runaway, landslide win over Remi that I wanted, but I still managed to pull off a first place win. And yes, as the night continued with hanging out, board games, movies, and more than a few drinks, I did order myself an enamel jack-o-lantern pin. Sue me.
As everyone who didn’t live with me started to leave, packing up their pumpkins and belongings, I took mine out to the porch. Placing it on the little iron café table with a fresh candle inside, I displayed my award winning carving for the whole town with pride and glee.
After everyone had left and my roommates turned in for the night, I stayed up a bit longer, just drinking and watching cheesy slashers alone.
I guess I passed out on the couch at some point, because the next thing I knew the blinding sun was waking me up. That, mixed with the smell of coffee and Taylor Swift blaring from the kitchen.
Stumbling into the kitchen, Norah smirked. “Up celebrating a little late there, were we Pumpkin Queen?”
“Or just reveling in finally beating Remi this year?” added Josie.
I guess my red face said what my mouth hesitated to.
“Don’t play dumb,” Josie laughed.
“We all know you have been gunning for the pumpkin prize since we were dressing up as the Power Rangers.”
“No… that isn’t…”
“Yes it is,” they wilted in unison.
Without another word I just shrugged, playfully grinned, and snatched the coffee Norah had poured me off the counter. I took a sip, a quick taste test. Though I smiled, she slid the harvest creamer across the counter. No one ever added enough pumpkin spice in this damn house.
Clutching my cup of more creamer than coffee, I made my way to the front door. A little coffee and fresh, crisp, autumn air should help this hangover. The sun would hurt, but you have to give a little to get a little.
I plopped down on one of the chairs and gave my jack-o-lantern a good morning kiss before looking out to the small yard leading into the ally. That’s when I saw them. Dozens, no, a hundred a so dead birds all over the little sliver of grass.
There were long, white gulls. Some were fat pigeons. There were even plenty of brightly songbirds; ruby throated sparrows and golden breasted finches mostly. I let out a scream and my roommates came running to the porch. We immediately called animal control, not knowing who exactly we should call in this situation. Sitting inside, waiting for them to arrive, I just kept thinking about it. The image of the yard burned into my brain. It took about 10 minutes of seeing it flash over and over again before I started seeing the world around the yard itself.
There were no dead birds anywhere aside from our yard exactly. Their little bodies went all the way to the property line, but not so much as a single feather lay beyond. It was just our yard.
Animal control called a few other groups: department of sanitation for cleanup, fish and wildlife services, and a few others. The general consensus was that there must just be something they ate. Of course, they assured us that there was no immediate threat to us, but to keep a look out for anything else odd. They were to get back to us with results from the labs, toxicology and autopsies, but it could take a matter of weeks with how backed up the labs were.
Norah and I took to researching it online while Josie began saging the entire property. As much as I didn’t believe in all of that, the look of sage smoke rolling out of the jack-o-lantern’s mouth was admittedly great. Needless to say, Norah and I found nothing. We did, however, fall down a couple of fascinating conspiracy rabbit holes. The one about birds not being real and another about liberals using potatoes to make mice gay or something were entertaining to try and read.
We got out of the house for a bit, but decided to just stay in for the night again. After all, as strange as it was, it was some dead birds and we all still had work in the morning.
Things mostly went back to normal for the next few days. Same work week daily routine with the addition of lighting my pumpkin every night just before dinner. The calm and joy of the Halloween season was setting back in.
Then, late Thursday evening, we heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs.
Josie and I were watching TV in the living room while Norah was doing a little self-care in the shared bathroom. Running to see what the problem was, we found Norah standing in the hallway, wrapped in a towel, dripping from head to toe in thick, steaming, crimson blood.
We tried asking her what happened, but she was inconsolable at the time. Josie tried helping her clean off as I went to make a fresh pot of tea. Both of us found the water from different sinks to sputter and spit before pouring the same blood out.
Josie and Norah came running through the house, heading straight for the door. “I can’t fucking be in here anymore,” Norah yelled as she made to embrace the night in nothing but a towel. As she said that, the water from the sink diluted and ran clear again.
It took some convincing, but everyone agreed to stay in our place for a bit longer. They were very clear that this was the last chance they were giving. If one more odd or peculiar thing happened, they were both out of there to stay with family or whoever for a while until everything was figured out. Not only could I not blame them for that, I agreed with them full heartedly.
As the third weekend of October rolled around, we were focused on our costumes. After a day shopping for last minute odds and ends we all collected our stuff and met up for an afternoon/ evening of crafting, fitting, and styling. Originally, this weekend was supposed to be at Remi and Qiana’s apartment, but Remi was suddenly under the weather and unable to participate.
Once gathered at Conner and Rich’s place we jumped into working on finishing up our costumes and the annual “first look” fashion show we did. Again, I’m not going to explain all of the costumes in great detail, but I need to comment on how sexy Conner’s gladiator costume was. You can’t see it, nor will you, but that is an image I will keep in the back of my mind for years to come.
Stumbling back into our apartment more than a little intoxicated, the three of us set to our drunken night chores. Josie was getting a pizza going in the oven while Josie searched for a video to throw on and I got us all a final drink for the night.
Just then, there was a loud, overlapping noise of static and electrical crackling as every light in the townhouse grew impossibly bright. To say it was bordering on painfully loud and bright would be an understatement. The microwave and coffee pot started going and lights that were off turned on.
Without warning, everything cut off.
It was silent and dark.
I could not see a thing, but could hear the rushing heartbeats of my roommates.
“Nope, fuck this,” Norah yelled from the living room.
“I’m with her,” proclaimed Josie, “that’s the last straw.”
“It’s just a power surge,” I assured them, but they were already shuffling and feeling their way to the front door.
In just a few minutes they had already called Conner, got the all clear to crash at their place, and ordered a ride. I argued that it was again, just a power surge, and there was no reason to be so frantic about it. My rationale was that I would rather sleep in my own bed until the power cut back on instead of sleeping on a dingy floor at the boys’ place.
And just like that, I was alone in our townhouse.
My laptop still had plenty of battery, so I used my phone’s hotspot to throw on some background noise as I ordered a late night pizza for myself. Drunken me was taunted with the promise of pizza, and by God I would have some damn pizza.
A half hour later there was a knock at the door. Just to be safe, I peered through the window to see an obviously tired and slightly annoyed delivery guy holding a pizza and checking his watch.
Undoing the lock and flinging the door open I reached for the pizza.
“Thank you so much,” I sighed.
“Oh, no… I tipped on the order.”
“I already tipped. I did it right on the app. You should have it.”
Drunken me tried to explain how electronic tipping worked to this older gentlemen for far too long. I’m still not sure if he grasped the concept, but eventually I politely wished him a good night before closing and locking the door behind me.
Sitting on the couch, cuddling with my large pepperoni and black olive pizza, I felt myself start drifting to sleep. Then the thought struck me: I needed to blow out the candle in the jack-o-lantern.
Cautiously, I looked through the window again before heading onto the porch. As I extinguished the little flickering flame I heard something rustle in the bushes at the property line to my right. “Hello?” I called out to no response. “You already got your tip. I don’t know what to tell you. Just call it a night and go home.”
There was another rustle, but this time from a small decorative tree pressing against the house.
And another from around the side of the building.
That was enough for me to rush back inside and make sure everything was locked tight. Still, curiosity was too much for me to overcome. Looking out the window, I saw them approaching my house.
It was just one at first. Then there were half a dozen. By time they stopped coming out from the woods and around buildings I had lost count.
People of all different shapes and sizes dressed in long, white robes and rounded face coverings with a straight black line across the eyes and a downward pointing triangle over the mouth. Slowly, they approached my house. Forming a wall, shoulder to shoulder, they all stopped.
One stepped through, approached my door, and calmly knocked with three gentle raps.
I took subtle steps backwards, making sure to make no noise. As I felt the cold glass of the sliding door press against me I turned to find myself face to face with four more of these people.
Again, the one knocked from the front door.
Immediately, I called the police. Dispatch told me to stay on the line and that they would be there soon. There was a creak from upstairs that startled me, causing me to drop my phone. Three more figures began descending the stairs.
“What do you want?” is all I was able to muster.
Two grabbed me while the third went around unlocking the doors. As the flood of white robes filled the home one figure approached me directly. “Why are you here?” I screamed.
“Well… you invited us.”
“What? How do you…”
“You put out the call, the need for inclusion and acceptance. We simply answered.”
Inclusion and acceptance. Those two words echoed in my head.
Before I could say anything else a hood was pulled over my head and I was being carried from my home.
I couldn’t see anything and everything I heard was muffled or distorted. At one point I thought I heard a neighbor call out, asking what was happening. Someone from the group said something along the lines of, “happy Halloween.” Apparently that was enough to settle any and all suspicion.
Though I couldn’t see or really hear, I was able to smell. What I could smell was the harsh burn of low tide. The distinct smell of mud soaked with salt water and decaying sea life flooded me as I fell hard, dropped on the pluff without warning.
My hands and feet were tied, but I was able to roll over and get up to my knees. Then, the hood was snatched from my head. The figures in white surrounded me just a few paces away, leaving me in a ring of sorts. The group parted as two carried a large, circular burning pit crackling with embers. A third was close behind them.
“A new member has called to our family,” the third called into the night.
“Family does not turn away,” the rest chanted back.
“They wish to sit at our table and rest with our weary.”
“Family always sets a place at the table. Family always has a bed ready and waiting.”
“They put the light out for us to see.”
“The light is always on for family to find their way home.”
“Do we accept another member to our family?”
“To sit at our table, to rest in our bed, to find the light we always leave on. Yes, we accept them into our family.”
At that, the caller of the call and response, reached into the burning pit. They retrieved a long, thin pole with an orange glowing end and approached me. The two who brought the pit out grabbed me and rolled my shirt up, exposing my bare stomach. The caller stepped closer and closer.
Finally, I was able to see the glowing orange end clearly. It was the same geometric pattern as the nose of the jack-o-lantern.
“Some families mark with name. Other’s mark with heritage. We welcome all names and heritage, but mark the earthly flesh. And with this, you know that you are always welcome and loved.”
Before I could say anything, before I could struggle against their grip, the hot end pressed into my bare, soft stomach so hard that it pushed me back into a sitting position again. I let out a throaty scream and tears streamed down my face as they held it there. The smell of burning flesh was the only thing strong enough to overpower the low tide.
Everything went a little hazy after that.
There was a dark room with a cot and occasionally slightly above room temperature grool. Strange dissident music played from somewhere at random increments of time. I saw sunlight and I saw dark pour in through small slits in the room. People in robes came and went. Time was an illusion and did not touch wherever I was.
I remember headlights flooding the area and people yelling. Flashing red and blue lights were close behind. People in blue carried me towards a large white box, but for some reason I fought them. I still can’t remember if I didn’t trust them or if I wanted to stay.
The room was white with harsh fluorescent lighting. My parents were there. So were my friends. When I woke up enough to hear them clearly they said I had been gone for almost a week. Police and dogs tracked me and volunteer teams swept day and night. It was the saved picture on my computer that gave them the first bread crumb.
All those dead birds were killed some time ago and frozen until laid about the yard. Blood coming from the faucets was just someone tapping into the waterline to our unit in the sewer. The power surge came from some clever timing of universal remotes and the fuse box.
I want to say that the jack-o-lantern I carved was not some curse, but in many ways it was. Is a haunting or hex any less real if carried out by something physical as opposed to the metaphysical or paranormal? I etched the sigils and completed the ritual bringing about something horrifying and unexpected. That sounds as much like a curse as any to me.
I was back at my parent’s house resting in time for Halloween, but I took it easy that year. My friend’s came over to do our own little thing instead of the big parties. It has been a couple years now, and I still love the holiday, do not get me wrong on that. But, God do I hate looking at pumpkins.
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2020.10.31 17:38 CantGetRight8675309 First post, feeling detached from everything and everyone, sorry for the wall of text.
Hello reddit, haven't been here long but I feel the need to post as I'm not sure what else I can do.
I (37m) have never been married, never had kids, very few serious relationships in my life (most of which were toxic, either she was or I was) and am starting to feel as if I missed out on a big part of life. Having a wife, children, a family of my own.
I've always had a hard time making and being friends with anyone, much of it my own fault as I don't like to try to hangout or go do something as I always feel as if I'm a burden or bothering people. Whenever I try to keep in touch with anyone, I more often than not delete that message before sending (due to the whole I feel like I'm bothering people all the time).
Intimate relationships are difficult for me until I am very comfortable with that person, and even then its difficult for me to open up. I have been down the rabbit hole of my past many times and know that I was abused as a child (by an older male) and that many of my issues stem from this.
Being an introvert, along with my past issues, being deeply insecure with myself, and self imposed solitude...I'm starting to feel my sanity slipping. I have vivid thoughts of ending up old and alone, and while the thought of being alone doesn't instill any fear in me, I do feel a deep seeded need for companionship which I can't seem to find without second-guessing everything I say and do.
I have a few hobbies, dogs, a job...but it all feels grey to me for the most part with patches of color thrown in here and there.
After my most recent relationship ended, poorly, I took time off from dating seriously to work on my issues and try to become a better person overall.
Its been several years and I've not found a connection deep enough to invest in, so it was hookups, usually drunk...and the more hookups I went through with, the more I realized they weren't for me, shallow, unfulfilled, physical trysts nothing substantial along the lines of what I really want.
I can't be happy with someone else if I am unhappy with who I am right? I have gotten better, somewhat, came out of my shell a bit, but still I feel worthless, unsuccessful, unattractive...the list goes on.
I think therapy is my only option but I do not have much money nor insurance. I'm not sure what else to do at this point. Ending myself has crossed my mind and if it weren't for my dogs, I am not sure I'd be around to write this out.
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2020.10.31 03:49 WeirdBryceGuy My Halloween date with a Skinscribe
I wanted to do something with someone for Halloween, rather than just sit in my room watching horror movies and playing horror video games—as I’ve done for the last six or so years. It hadn’t really mattered with whom I spent the time; I just wanted to experience spooky stuff with another person. I first sought out a few old high school friends online, but of those who responded, all either had plans or were vaguely busy; and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by asking further questions and have them say that she just didn’t want to hang out with me.
It was understandable; I hadn’t seen or spoken to them in years.
I then I turned to dating apps, thinking that perhaps somehow, I’d find someone in a similar situation to my own. I swiped through countless profiles, messaged anyone with a seemingly compatible personality, and waited. Hours went by, and I busied myself with trying to think of something to do in the event that I found no one. My phone remained silent for three hours.
Around 6PM, I got a notification.
It was from one of the dating apps, a match with a profile. I barely recognized it; having swiped through dozens of people in such a short time. At face value, her profile showed someone who seemed intelligent, with interests similar to my own. She was around my age, and her location placed her only a few miles away. Her bio was short, with her job title listed as, “Body modification expert”, and the “about me” section simply saying, “I can change you.”
Her profile was verified by the app, and she had several pictures of herself. Still, I had felt a small doubt regarding the legitimacy of the profile, because despite the job title, none of the pictures showed any sort of piercing, tattooing, or body modification of any kind. You’d think that someone in such a profession would have either a personal example of her expertise, or a display of her substantial interest.
Despite this one dubious element, I decided to send her a message and hope for the best.
She responded a few minutes later. If it had been immediately, I probably would’ve taken it as a red flag; some scammer or catfish jumping at the opportunity to dupe someone. I had asked her how she was doing—a lame opener, I know—and she responded that she was doing well, and reciprocated the question. I responded in kind, then added a follow-up question about her supposed job. She said that she didn’t do tattoos or piercings, but a unique and fairly obscure kind of body modification, one that is quite complicated, and irreparably permanent.
For whatever reason, I assumed that she was referring to branding or some other kind of scarification. I didn’t question her any longer on this line of conversation, and branched off to the things we had in common. We chatted for several hours, with each person mutually engaging in conversation. She contributed just as many questions, and to my great surprise, expressed enjoyment at the questions I asked. Several hours later, with over two hundred messages exchanged between us, I decided to ask the fateful question: If she had any plans for the following night.
She hadn’t, and asked me if I’d like to hangout. I hadn’t even needed to ask the question myself—she that interested! I said yes, as casually as possible in my excitement, and she gave me the address to her apartment. The plan for Halloween night was to have some booze, play a co-op horror game, and end the night watching some horror movies. It might not seem much different from how I’d spent the holiday the last few years, but now it was with another person, and I was ecstatic.
I went to sleep smiling, and awoke with an unbroken grin. I went to the store, bought some booze, snacks, and a new controller. Around 4PM, I messaged her and asked if she was ready for me to come over, and she said yes. A few moments later, she advised me to bring a change of clothes, since I would probably have to spend the night due to the alcohol we’d consume. She didn’t want me to even consider driving home drunk. I was doubly happy; not only had she cared about my wellbeing, but was already comfortable enough with me to allow me to spend the night.
Ordinarily, this might’ve been a red flag
, but I was too blinded by excitement to really analyze the situation.
I arrived at her apartment complex around 4:30PM. I climbed the short flight of stairs that led to her building, and knocked on the door—supplies in hand. A few moments later, she answered, and any residuals of the doubt I had felt were effaced at seeing her. She looked exactly like she did in the pictures on the app. I must’ve been smiling, because she laughed; a soft, kind one, devoid of any mockery. She invited me in, and said that I could place the bags on the coffee table not far away. It was an ordinary apartment, with the usual objects, decorations, and furniture you’d expect to find in a single millennial’s home.
We sat on the couch and talked for a while, going over what we had discussed in chat—tacitly confirming each other’s identity—and then moved onto other topics that hadn’t been discussed. We shared our respective histories with the city. I had lived here all my life, whereas she had just moved here a few months back. Her work, she’d said, brought her all around the country, and she had even traveled overseas to practice in various locations throughout Europe. Still, the actual specifics of her profession remained unspoken, and I had to outright ask to see an example of her work—if she had one readily available.
She laughed, and agreed to let me see an example. I thought she would get up and fetch a photograph, or show me pictures on her phone, but instead she stood up, removed her shirt, and faced away from me. I was taken aback, not just by the casualness of the unclothing, but by what was etched
into her bare skin. This was beyond mere tattooing, beyond scarification.
Written in some language that I did not recognize but which brought a sudden and unidentifiable dread, were several lines of text that went from her shoulders to the base of her back. Even though I sat only a few feet away, I could not tell if the words had been deeply
inked onto the flesh, or burned, or applied by some other, assuredly painful process. The lettering was fine, scribed with graceful strokes, and yet I felt offended on an almost spiritual level by the unreadable inscription. Despite my unfamiliarity with the language, the text nonetheless imparted an evilness; a written representation of some ominous knowledge.
She lowered her shirt and turned to face me. She hadn’t stopped smiling, but her eyes had almost imperceptibly changed; now more watchful, anticipating. I asked her, without choking on my words, what exactly the text said, and how had it been applied. She chuckled, still with a casual and light-hearted intonation, and said the following:
“I am a Skinscribe. There is a language—languages, really—that cannot be spoken, and can only be read once etched into human skin. The words are given a sort of evocative power and substance once inscribed, and imbue the recipient with abilities detailed in the inscription. The characters and words are incomprehensible to everyone but Skinscribes, and if someone attempts to copy the letters onto paper, the result would be an equally indecipherable mess of scribbles.”
As you might imagine, I was flabbergasted. Despite how ludicrous her statement was, she had spoken it with total confidence and certainty—complete belief. When I did not immediately respond, she said, “I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I promise that I’m telling the truth. You’re obviously incapable of reading the words, and yet I’m sure you nonetheless felt that she said something
—you sensed an underlying meaning.”
It was true, I had felt an undeniable yet unplaceable sense of meaning, imparted by those cryptic scribblings. She smiled again, and asked if I would like to see a demonstration. I at first thought that she meant to perform it on me, that I would be subjected to what I feared was an awfully painfully experience; but she rolled up her sleeve, revealing her bare forearm, and held it out so that I could see it clearly. With her other hand, she placed her index finger into her mouth, and proceeded to mumble something, with her lips closed around the finger. A few moments later, she removed the finger, then began writing on the outstretched arm.
To my amazement, as she traced the finger across the skin, letters began to form. The symbols were at first a bright crimson, as if blood were being drawn, but they quickly dimmed to a lusterless black; as if they’d undergone rapid coagulation. But the inscribing finger hadn’t had a nail sharp enough to penetrate the skin, and she hadn’t applied any noticeable pressure as she guided the finger. From the pit of her elbow to her wrist, a message soon took form—one that was completely indecipherable. Once the inscription was finished, she held her hand with the palm facing the ceiling, and quickly closed it.
Darkness, suddenly and totally, befell the room. Around me, from every perceivable direction, I heard a raucous of chattering; as if a dozen voices spoke at once, in some language that seemed intelligent yet ancient—full of ululations and protracted enunciations. Fear quickly seized my heart, and my higher thoughts were overcome by a primal fear; the half-remembrance of some ancestral threat. I felt the presence of an old and eldritch thing encroach invisibly upon the atmosphere, and thought that I even heard the rattling of the proverbial locks that kept our reality barred from others.
A moment later, light returned, as quickly as it had gone. She sat there on the couch beside me, totally relaxed, with a comforting smile on her face. My fear still very present, I asked what exactly had just happened. She explained that the sigils she’d inscribed on her forearm had given her the power to “entreat the darkness”, although darkness of a different
nature. When I of course asked for clarification, she said only that our reality was merely one of many, and that others could be briefly introduced, super-imposed, or inter-connected, depending on the manner and method of the bridging. The reality I had glimpsed, she said, was one bereft of light; that there had
been light, long ago, but it was taken away; stripped by something called The Black Horologist.
When I asked who or what this entity was, she dismissed the questioning, saying that he was of no immediate
consequence to our world. Before I could ask any other questions—and believe me, I had many—she asked if I would like to receive a power of my own. I was still imprinted with that odd, seemingly inherited anxiety, and the idea of commanding or tapping into a force that could inspire it was not at all appealing. But...something told me that I should accept her offer, or else be forcibly given some other, worse “gift.”
I agreed, and she instructed me on what to do.
I held out my arm and drew back my sleeve, revealing the bare skin. She asked if there was anything I wanted, any power or influence or capability I yearned for. Setting aside my fear for the moment, I tried to think of something that I felt was missing from my life, or that could greatly improve it.
After thinking for a few moments, I finally decided on what I’d like to be able to do, and told her. She nodded, seeming both satisfied and impressed by my desire, and placed her finger in her mouth. She again mumbled unintelligibly, then withdrew the finger. Since she hadn’t exhibited any signs of pain or even minor discomfort when applying the sigils to her own arm, I hadn’t any expected any pain during my experience.
It was a completely misguided expectation.
The pain was immense—the paradoxical sensation of both searing heat and extreme cold. The burning and frigidity only increased as she drew the sigils, until I eventually felt my consciousness slipping away—my mind incapable of tolerating the sensorial overload. But she gripped my wrist with her other arm, both keeping me stable, and preventing me from lapsing into unconsciousness by applying a pressure that distracted from the other pain. After what felt like ages, the process was complete, and lines of black, unpronounceable text ran from my elbow to my wrist.
The pain subsided not long after she pulled her finger away. Despite them being on my skin, I couldn’t read the sigils that had been inscribed. She stood up and directed me to demonstrate my newfound power. I stood, stepped around the coffee table, and held out my hand towards the floor. She told me to clear my mind of all other thoughts, and let the natural impulse of my desire work its way through me.
Nervous, and still somewhat afraid, I did as she instructed. A second later, I felt the emergence and concentration of a power within the core of my being, and using some inner focus, guided it to my palm. The next moment, an object manifested before me—right on the carpet. I picked it up, cradling it in my arms. I hadn’t ever seen it before, not truly, and yet I felt an immediate and powerful attachment to it. I felt myself tearing up, despite the present company. I hadn’t ever thought I’d get to see the thing in my arms—not in this life, at least.
“You’ve brought a life back into the world—you've successfully used your ability. How does it feel?”
I took a while to answer her, barely able to collect my scattered thoughts. I looked into the eyes of my son, the son I hadn’t ever been able to see, who had died in an unfortunate incident during childbirth—strangulation by the umbilical cord. I hadn’t been present during labor; due to the extension of a project I’d been working on. My ex-girlfriend resented me for not being there, and I know somehow conflated my absence with the fate of our child. She left me, and we hadn’t spoken since.
Glancing up to meet the eyes of the woman, I asked her how this was possible. She explained that things can be summoned or conjured, through powerful will, out of nothing. Essentially, the child in my arms was not literally the re-constitution of the matter which had formed the infant all those months ago, but a manifestation of desire, thought, and will—a tulpa
, of sorts.
The baby was a physical and genetic facsimile of the child I had lost—but not the
I sat on a nearby recliner, not yet ready to return to my seat on the couch beside the woman. The baby was calm, happy, but the joy I had initially felt at its creation had been swapped out with a growing revulsion; a feeling of having been cheated by a forgery. The baby looked totally innocent, and yet the fact that it was not the same...spirit of my original child, the same entity merely transplanted from one point in time to another, made me look on it as some abominable thing.
“Would you like me to hold it for a while?” The woman’s words couldn’t have come at a better time. I wasn’t sure what I would do, as my disgust towards the infant blossomed.
I gently passed him to her, and she cradled him in her arms with a practiced grace. She wiggled her fingers in his face, eliciting an admittedly adorable giggle—and yet my aforementioned feelings about him were not diminished.
For some reason, I then remembered the markings on her back, and asked what power those sigils had given her. She played with the baby for a few more moments, before finally looking up—her smile gone.
“This child and I are alike. We were both created through magically artificial means. We are both...replications of other beings.”
I hadn’t at all expected such a response, and didn’t know what to say. She gently kissed the baby on the forehead, then turned it around so that its back was shown to me. I recoiled in disgust at the sight of the sigils inscribed on its back. They ran the entirety of the surface, as gracefully scribed yet unreadable as the others I’d seen.
“Don’t worry, they bring him no pain. They were written with his birth, and will remain until his death. He will not be able to read them. Like him, I was conjured from nothing, but the person whose image I bear had only been dying at the time—not already dead. She made me in her image, presumably out of vanity and a narcissistic desire to perpetuate beyond death. She implored me to carry on her work,
to perpetuate the existence of this esoteric and immemorial language. A mantle that I accepted without protest, if only for the power. The words on my back, and on the back of your son, are a sort of complex birthmark. Runes of Creation, I call them.”
My night had gone from being a hopefully pleasant time of snacks, booze, and video games, to a bizarre and surreal experience of magical conjuration and eldritch lore. I sat in my seat, mentally exhausted by the woman’s momentous revelation. Only a few feet away sat two people not born through natural or even scientific means, but through powerful sorcery—a sorcery that I still suspected to be in some way sinister.
For the first time in the night, I thought to ask if there were any ramifications to the inscribing of the sigils, or the power they imparted. She rocked the baby and whispered something in its ear, lulling it to sleep. Once his eyes were closed, she handed him back to me. I took him, cautiously, and leaned back in my chair. The attachment I had felt towards it was gone—I had settled on the fact that it was not my child, not really. Still, it was a baby, an apparently living creature, and I was still going to treat it with extreme care; while it was in my brief possession.
She reclined back in her seat on the couch, propped her legs on the coffee table, and said this:
“As time passes, you will not only come to forget English, but you will also lose the capacity to learn any other Earthen
language. Your linguistic abilities will be re-tuned, until you slowly become familiar with the words written on your arm. Yes, you’ll eventually be able to read those words, but only
those words. And then, my friend, you’ll have become a Skinscribe.”
This was the vague, ominous, yet ever-present fear that had crept into my heart. It stifled all other emotions, all other thought, leaving me in a state of absolute terror. I involuntarily cried out, awaking the infant that slept in my arms. He whined, startled by my outburst, but the woman whispered something that even I could not hear, and the infant again fell asleep.
It took several moments to regain something of my former composure. Once my nerves had been sufficiently subdued, I asked her how we were speaking, if the transformation into a Skinscribe brought upon the inability to speak any human language. She could read the language, which meant she was a Skinscribe, and yet she had defied the stated rule.
She laughed, and said that the reason she could still speak human language was because she was not truly
human. The loss of comprehension for human speech was a partial loss of one’s humanity. Despite her appearance, she was not intrinsically human, and could therefore wield the powers given to her without such a cost. Unlike my reborn son, she said that she was something of a prototype; a flawed simulacrum that was more sorcerous manifestation than human. I, on the other hand, would slowly succumb to such an existential schism.
“Raise the child as if he were your own, because in a deeper way, he is. This child’s life was the product of one person, not two—a more concentrated manifestation of you
than the one formed through copulation with your ex. To deny this progeny would be cruel, and needless. It is what you wanted, after all. But know that there will come a time when you will not be able to communicate with it—not through the written or spoken words of Man. At that time, you must decide if you want to accept this lack of communication, or give him the power, so that he may join our ranks. Then, and only then, will you be able to speak with your child again.”
“But I don’t even know how...I don’t know the words or methods.” I tried to keep my voice low, but made no attempts to mask my fear, my pleading.
“The words and conduct will come to you, as others are lost. The knowledge of outré things will frighten you—the fear you feel now at merely a glimpse of such things is only trivial in comparison. Horrors unreal will plague you, and the dark erudition you develop will test the intellectual capacities of your human brain. But you will survive the evolution, if you wil
l yourself to.”
With a casualness to which I had yet to become accustomed, she turned on the TV, and then her console, and asked what game I’d like to play first. Despite the gravity of the conversation—which I hadn’t wanted to end—I instinctively looked at the baby; not wanting to wake it up again with the sounds of video games. She caught my gaze and said that the baby would not awake unless I wanted it to, and urged me to set it aside so that we could spend the night together as intended. Also, in a softer, almost apologetic tone, she said that I should probably use my capacity for English on more pleasant topics—while I still could.
Gravely, I agreed, and created a makeshift bed for the baby in my chair using pillows from the couch and my fleece. Once he was safely tucked in, I sat on the couch beside her, and we began playing a co-op survival horror game. The dread of my situation was momentarily replaced by a more manageable, artificially created one, as we narrowly dodged digital, shadow-lurking horrors.
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to nosleep [link] [comments]
2020.10.31 00:16 Patient_Self Am I being relationship scammed?
So, I met this person on facebook and I honestly don't know what to think. The first strange thing I noticed was that once we started talking she insisted that we switch to Google hangouts. I installed hangouts and then noticed that her facebook account had been deleted. I saw this as a red flag but I figured that it was at least possible that her account just happened to be removed right after we met.
Almost immediately, She started asking for pictures. Constantly wanting to see more photos of me. Then she asked me for a fifty dollar amazon gift card. I know it was stupid but at this point I wasn't certain that it was a scam so I bought it. There was one strange thing though: She insisted that she had to see the receipt. It wasn't until the next day that things got REALLY suspicious. She asked if I drive and if I had a drivers license. Then she asked to see it, which I thought was strange. Finally, and this is when I knew something was off, she asked for my social security number. OBVIOUSLY I didn't give it to her. I just made up a random string of numbers and sent it.
Now I know that at this point it looks like I'm obviously being scammed, and that's what I thought too. But the thing is, there are a few things about this situation that would suggest otherwise. First, she seems to be very eager to meet me in person, which doesn't line up with a scam. Also, she seems to be very emotionally invested in the relationship. I even did reverse image searches on her photos and nothing came up. I don't know what I should do. If I just stop talking to her I'll be afraid that she was legit and I hurt her feelings. I want to protect myself but also do what's right.
submitted by Patient_Self
to Scams [link] [comments]
2020.10.30 17:37 m2520 [OFFER] I'll Be Your Graphic Designer/Personal Virtual Assistant (6+ years experience) at a Discount!
Since this has been a difficult time for everyone, I was curious if anyone was looking for a virtual assistant or needs up to date graphics. Tasks, emails, and projects that could easily be outsourced are probably piling up a bit, eh? Busywork steals time away from your priorities, and I’d love to offer you help in this arena. I'm a full time graphic designer by day who is constantly and consistently delivering quality products with over six years of experience! Right now, my schedule is fairly flexible. I’m a quick study, and I’m interested in working on anything you have to offer. Here’s what I’ve already been working on:
Portfolio Recent Logo Designs
• Graphic Design - Avatars, banners, favicons, illustrations, and logos. • Photoshop Requests • Data Entry, Data Management • Data Collection, Scraping, and Lead Lists. • Online Research. • Office Tasks - including Excel and Sheets! • Social Media Management
If you have any other ideas, I’m sure you can be accommodated, don’t hesitate to drop me a line.
You can contact me through the Reddit chat feature. I am also available on Discord (Sayan#6878), Slack, Skype, Telegram, Hangouts, or whatever works best for you. Regardless of your time zone or schedule, I am available. Reach out today! Thanks for your consideration, and enjoy the rest of your week!
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2020.10.30 14:04 chronicmessager My (21F) friendship with someone (22F) is over, and I'm having a difficult time processing it, understanding my wrongdoing, and moving on. Closure is not something that I can get from her.
TLDR: I used to have a really amazing friendship with this person, J. After many ups and downs, we are very clearly not friends anymore. I’m having a very difficult time processing it all and clearly figuring out what part of it was my fault. I distanced myself from her because of an inconvenient crush that developed, and she expressed understanding. We became friends again, but she was a bit unresponsive. I became scared that she viewed me negatively because of the crush. I also began to feel like the friendship was one-sided. I aired my grievances and she never responded. I reached out again a year later and her response was warm. Our friendship resumed, until I was put off by a text. At the advice of a friend, I stopped responding. A year later I reached out to her several times, probably too many times, and she hasn’t responded. To what extent are each of us in the wrong, if we both share the blame?
A while into our friendship, I developed feelings for J. I knew that she didn’t feel the same, and I didn’t want to act on those feelings or change anything about our relationship. But spending time with her became really painful and hard. I wanted to distance myself to get over my crush, and thought it would be cruel to ghost her because we were very close and in frequent contact. I told her about my crush only to explain why I needed time away from her. She profusely thanked me for telling her and assured me that she wanted to continue our friendship when I was ready.
Months later I reached out to her and we resumed things. In a lot of aspects she treated me in the same way she had before. At the same time, she was a little unresponsive. I became scared that telling her about my feelings had changed our dynamic. I asked her if that was the case at one point. She said no and apologized for being somewhat distant. She said it had nothing to do with my feelings, that it was because of general anxiety, and even offered to go to therapy. People who I’ve crushed on have always become cold toward me after finding out. This is in circumstances where they somehow sense my feelings, or a friend tells them against my wishes. It’s honestly damaged my self esteem and it contributed to a lot of the anxiety I was experiencing around J. I remember trying to initiate a deeper conversation about that anxiety, but she didn’t acknowledge my text message. I dropped it, figuring that she didn’t want to talk much about it. She continued to be unresponsive though, and my anxiety grew. I also started to feel like I made a one-sided effort. I eventually sent her a long accusatory message airing my grievances. I believe I was wrong for doing so. She never responded.
After more than a year, I reached out to her again. She responded warmly and I sent her a long apology. She apologized for being unresponsive and said that she didn’t respond to my last message because she didn’t know what to say. I said that I thought she hated me and she said ‘No, of course not. I thought you hated me.’. She suggested that we get coffee sometime. I agreed, but in the meantime we caught up online and started texting regularly again. At one point, I suggested we go see Parasite. We figure out our schedules and tentatively agree on X date, ~2 weeks into the future. 6 days before X, I text her setting up the details (the theater, the showing) and ask if it works for her. I also propose we get ice cream. She doesn’t respond until the evening on X. She says my name is in her calendar, and asks me if it’s my birthday. She also says something along the lines of ‘Yeah, we should get ice cream sometime.’. She doesn’t acknowledge the text setting up the details of the hangout, though. I asked my other friend, G, for her thoughts on this. G said it was intentional disrespect and avoidance, and that J was continuing to demonstrate the neglect that I accused her of a year prior. G asked her friend for their thoughts and they also said J’s response was fucked up. G thought that it might have been because of my crush or my long grievance message. G told me not to respond to J’s text unless she sent a follow up one. She framed it as a matter of self-respect. I took G’s advice and J never sent a follow up text.
A year later, I still feel extremely confused and hurt about what happened. I think about how wonderful my friendship with J was. I have a hard time accepting that she was maliciously playing dumb in sending her text, when she was so warm and reassuring after I reached out to her. I also have no clue why else she would be confused about my name in her calendar. The text she responded to told her why. I wonder if I did something wrong by ceasing contact. I worry that I hurt her in the process. I think about how unfortunate it would be for our friendship to have ended over a small misunderstanding.
So I reach out again. First on Instagram. I say I miss our friendship and express confusion about how things ended. Some days pass and I don’t get a response. Part of me thinks this is confirmation that she doesn’t want to reinitiate things. Another part of me worries that she blocked me on Instagram and didn’t get the message. So I text her the same thing. My rationale for texting someone who has potentially blocked me is: There are people who I’ve blocked who I wouldn’t be opposed to hearing from if they messaged me in good faith. I text that I at least want to apologize and I send an apology/explanation through voice messages. More days pass with no response. Again, part of me thinks that this is confirmation that she doesn’t want to be friends or talk. Another part of me wonders if she changed her number? So I reach out on Facebook. I send: “Hey J?”. No response. But maybe she missed the message request? I send a friend request to increase the chance that she sees the Facebook message. I apologize for sending so many messages if she’s received them. I say I’m messaging in the event that she hasn’t. I send my original message and ask for closure, positive or negative. J hasn’t responded and I won’t message her again.
I’m really struggling with a lack of closure. The consensus of my friends is that J is an asshole who doesn’t care about me and she can’t be bothered. I’m so hurt by that possibility. I feel like in order to accept the end of our friendship, I either have to villainize her or arrive at a clear understanding of what I did wrong. I’m scared that in assuming the worst of her, I’m overreacting and making the same mistake I did when I first aired my grievances. I’m also scared that in assuming the best of her, I’m disrespecting myself. I’m so confused and distressed by this situation. I feel embarrassed for reaching out and sending so many messages. I think I’m at least partly in the wrong for that. Some people are uncomfortable with confrontation, and that’s a possibility that I admit I didn’t respect. Since I can’t get closure from J, my hope is that the judgement of this community will help me process, grow, and move on. I’m fully prepared to reflect on the role I played in our ended friendship. And I'm happy to elaborate on any details.
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2020.10.30 13:57 tealmarw How to say you have a boyfriend without seeming rude?
If a guy asks a girl to hangout and she says something along the lines of “sure, but just so you know I have a boyfriend” is that presumptuous? I’m a 21 f and I don’t want to assume every guy asking me to hangout is wanting to date/have sex w me, but honestly it is the reality a lot of the time. I don’t want to lead ppl on but I feel like saying you have a boyfriend when someone just asks to hangout is kinda weird. What do y’all think? Would you appreciate it or would it be odd?
submitted by tealmarw
to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]
2020.10.29 21:46 clay-teeth Did I[30f] ruin this friendship, or is he[32m] a jerk?
Tldr : a friend I haven't seen in 3 years bailed early on our pre-planned hangout time to go be with a new fling, and now they're ignoring me. What should i do? (AKA I think my friend abandoned because they got a new fuck buddy, am i crazy?)
Friend and i have known each other around 4 years, haven't seen each other in 3, he lives 5 hours away and for most of that time I didn't have a car. I was going to host a socially distanced movie screening in my large backyard. We're both in healthcare and regularly get tested, no fear of covid. He was going to drive down saturday, the day of the event, stay the night, and leave the next morning.
About 6 weeks ago, he and his long-term partner broke up in an ugly way. I reached out to him, and we began talking almost every day. We got closer through this. I also began to talk about my own personal hardships, we bonded. We were talking frequently. Occasionally we'd flirt, but it was in a v joking way, i'm a lesbian. I had been down recently, and without prompting he took off work so that he could come friday night, help out saturday, and hangout sunday morning, then leave sunday afternoon. We talk p much every day, he's posting best friends memes on facbook and tagging me, etc. A week or so before the event we started talking less, I didn't think anything of it, I was overwhelmed with school. I found out later that he at this time had started sleeping with a new-ish friend.
The day comes, and he's 4 hours late in arrival. It stings, but I don't say anything, its no big deal. He was busy and then he hit traffic because he left late. That night we're like, gossiping like we're at a sleepover, and I ask him about a friend who had said something on his facebook - he confirmed, they'd starting sleeping together. I congratulated him on the new fling.
Saturday morning we're getting ready to go get lunch or whatever, and i ask him what time he's leaving tomorrow afternoon, and he says "early, or maybe even tonight, Pal needs help moving" and i was just shocked, I responded "were you not gonna tell me?" and went to put my shoes on. Not the best reaction but I was taken aback.The rest of the day continues with tension. I'm trying not to act really hurt. I try to make light of the situation by ribbing him for being mean, but making it super dramatic so he knows it's a joke. I say things like im being orphaned, etc. For perspective, we have a very trolling friendship. A main bit of ours is that I'm not actually his friend, I'm a robot tryint to steal his identity and his bones to take his place in society. At one point, to try to make things better, I tell him up front that he hurt my feelings, and he responds "im sorry" I try to explain myself, but my roommate walks in the room, and I drop it. At one point I can tell I've crossed a line w a joke, and I give him some space. I go to run an errand, he doesn't want to come so I leave him at my house to play video games.
After the movie and everyone leaves, I approach him and say that I'm sorry, I wasn't hiding my feelings well, and I could tell I crossed a line. He says that I did make him uncomfortable, but he understands, he has no hard feelings. I wait for him to apologize for bailing on me last minute, but he changes the subject. We chat for a bit, and I tell him that I want him to go tonight, it's okay, I understand. He thanks me and leaves. He texts me that he made it back safe, I tell him to tell Pal that I hope their move goes smoothly. He leaves me on read. I text him a meme with a mutual inside joke 2 days later. Ignores it. I text him a question mark later to be like, what gives? He doesn't open my message. Two days go by, and today I ask him to be up front with me, if he doesn't plan on speaking can he let me know so I can move on.
And that's where we are now. I have an inkling that maybe he thought the flirting was real, and was upset when it didn't lead to anything, and then prioritized his new FWB. this makes me feel super shitty. I don't know if i should address it, or wait for him to, or just let the relationship die.
submitted by clay-teeth
to relationships [link] [comments]
2020.10.29 16:57 clay-teeth Need advice on how to handle this rift in friendship
tl;dr : friend bailed early on our pre-planned hangout time, without telling me in advance that they had a new obligation, and now they're ignoring me. What should i do? (AKA I think my friend abandoned because they got a new fuck buddy, am i crazy?)
background: Friend and i have known each other around 4 years, haven't seen eachother in 3, he lives 5 hours away and for most of that time I didn't have a car. I was going to host a socially distanced movie screening in my large backyard. We're both in healthcare and regularly get tested. He was going to drive down saturday, the day of the event, stay the night, and leave the next morning.
About 6 weeks ago, he and his long-term partner broke up in an ugly way. I reached out to him, and we began talking almost every day. We got closer through this. I also began to talk about my own personal hardships, we bonded. We were talking frequently. Occasionally we'd flirt, but it was in a v joking way, i'm a lesbian. I had been down recently, and without prompting he took off work so that he could come friday night, help out saturday, and hangout sunday morning, then leave sunday afternoon. A week or so before the event we started talking less, I didn't think anything of it, I was overwhelmed with school.
The day comes, and he's 4 hours late in arrival. Again, no big deal. He was busy and then he hit traffic because he left late. That night we're like, gossiping like we're at a sleepover, and I ask him about a friend who had said something on his facebook - he confirmed, they'd starting seeing each other. I congratulated him on the new romance. Saturday morning we're getting ready to go get lunch or whatever, and i ask him what time he's leaving tomorrow afternoon, and he says "early, or maybe even tonight, Pal needs help moving" and i was just shocked, I responded "were you not gonna tell me?" and went to put my shoes on.
The rest of the day continues with tension. I'm trying not to act really hurt. I try to make light of the situation by ribbing him for being mean, but making it super dramatic so he knows it's a joke. At one point I can tell I've crossed a line, and I give him some space. After the movie, I approach him and say that I'm sorry, i wasn't hiding my feelings well, and I could tell I crossed a line. I tell him that I want him to go tonight, it's okay, I understand. He thanks me and leaves. He texts me that he made it safe, I tell him to tell Pal that I hope their move goes smoothly. He leaves me on read. I text him a meme with a mutual inside joke 2 days later. Ignores it. I text him a question mark later to be like, what gives? He doesn't open my message.
And that's where we are now. I have an inkling that maybe he thought the flirting was real, and was upset when it didn't lead to anything, and then prioritized his new FWB. this makes me feel super shitty. I don't know if i should adress it, or wait for him to, or just let it die.
submitted by clay-teeth
to friendship [link] [comments]
2020.10.29 16:27 StephenAlbright99 Really need advice, very hard decision (please read, I'm pretty desperate) [LONG]
This post is sort of long, but you have no idea how much I would appreciate it if you read it and even gave a word or two of advice. I'm beyond emotional right now and really need advice on what to do. So here we go:
So I met this guy a little over 2 months ago (he's 38, I'm 19). You can check my other posts for previous dilemmas and sort of our time line together, but I'll give a quick summary. Basically, we agreed on becoming FWB and somehow I caught feelings (and I have NEVER caught feelings for anyone; this is my first crush). So, after every time we've met, he would feel guilty and bad about himself because he felt weird being with someone much younger (I was his youngest FWB). He would make jokes about being a pedophile. We also had a conversation a while ago where he basically said he didn't see any future relationship with me because we are in different stages of life and our age gap is big and stuff. And so I said that was fine and we have been hanging out since (more spaced out though and he still felt guilty afterwards). This is why he rarely did text me and seemed to ignore me at times (this has happened the whole two months) but eventually came around to hanging out. He does get very turned on by me (I don't see it but he does), but he doesn't want anything more.
And so we hungout two weeks ago (last time I saw him), I thought it was great (which I usually do), but he felt guilty again (again, normal).
SIDENOTE: I didn't know how guilty he felt after every time we hungout until yesterday when we spoke on the phone (I'll get to that).
I thought everything was fine though and that I would see him again. And so the week went on. I asked if he wanted to hangout and he said he couldn't due to work (expected, he's a very busy guy). However, I did come across his instagram and saw that he did hangout with another guy over the weekend. Not going to lie, I was sad. But we aren't exclusive and he's not looking for anything with me so I can't really blame him. And so I did ask him about this week if he wanted to hangout (I said this on Monday). He responded with something kind of rude and sarcastic but apologized for it. Yea, that's confusing I know, but he didn't answer my question. So later in the day, I sort of referenced it again. No response. Tuesday goes by, no response either. But I can see him on Grindr for a loooooong time. Of course, I'm not entitled to a response, but it did hurt knowing he was there. (I didn't know this at the time but he was chatting with his new guy the whole time). So I sort of sent him a semi-emotional message; basically I mentioned that I care about him, that he is a great guy, and that if anything was wrong, he can tell me. No response again, I was very sad that night. So yesterday rolls around and I wake up to a response, finally! But this is what it read: "I cannot be to you what you want me to be. Friends, a ride to the grocery store, sure. Beyond that, we are in different chapters of our lives entirely." I knew this was coming but still couldn't help but feel sad. I guess it was pretty obvious that I caught feelings because I never outright told him about how I felt (unless you count that text). I told him that I wasn't looking for anything more from him right now (half truth/half lie: I don't want anything right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want anything in the future). I also asked if we could call each other (which we never did, only once before, everything was through text). He agreed and so late last night, we chatted. He told me again that he feels weird after we have sex and that "friends don't have sex." I said that "we were FWB right?" and he said "Yea but I'm really looking for a relationship right now and for the love of my life." I'm too young to be that guy he's looking for so he wanted to stop hooking up. I did ask if we could stay friends and he said yes; but we also agreed on no more sex or anything sexual, just strictly hanging out as friends.
So now I'm in a dilemma that makes me sooooooo sad. Just, I really can't stay friends with someone I love. He knew I caught feelings but not to the extent I actually have. So here's some potential issues.
1) I don't really know what we're going to do to pass time other than sex. Sure, we've played games, talked for awhile, and cooked, etc but those only take up so much time. He's most likely going to get bored of regularly hanging out and then we will end communication for good.
2) I really don't know if I can only stay friends with him, I mean I like him A LOT. It's going to hurt every time I see him because I do want to be more than friends, but I know there is no way for me to convince him to change his mind. I mean, let's go back to the other guy he met. This guy is older than me so in my guy's age range. They have already met several times and my guy chats with him for hours on Grindr already (whereas he barely spoke to me). They even had a romantic dinner already. My guy is really into him, and it does make me sad that that can't be me.
So here's my two options:
1) continue hanging out as friends and just have him around to hangout with. Sad emotions will continue the entire time and he will likely end things for good soon once he advances with his new man
.or 2) I can just hangout with him one last time (estimated next monday/tuesday), tell him how I really feel about him (I wrote some stuff down so I will read it), acknowledge the fact that we won't be seeing each other anymore (because he will most certainly feel weird when I tell him all this), maybe try to shed light on how age gaps aren't bad, and maybe try to ask if he might want to give me a chance in the future if he just wants someone to settle with (in the event that he hasn't found love by then).
Option 1 will result in me seeing him more (well honestly, I have no idea because he already had little time to see me in the first place due to his work. I'm sure he's going to want to spend his free time with his new guy so I don't know how often I'll see him) as well as me being sad along the way.
Option 2 will result in me seeing him one last time but just getting out all my emotions and asking for something in the far future if he somehow can't find love within the next 5-10 years.
I really do just want to get out my emotions and see how he reacts. I know he will get weirded out, but I don't really know how I'm going to hold them in for much longer. Then we can end communication and both move on. Then possibly in the future something might happen (although close to 0.000001% likely).
I really don't know what to do, I'm very sad about both options. I want him in my life soooo bad, but I don't know if I can go through with just being friends. But I also don't want to tell him everything yet because then I will never see him again and feel even more sad. This really sucks. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I will listen to any piece of advice you guys might have so please speak your mind and be honest. THANK YOU <3
submitted by StephenAlbright99
to gayyoungold [link] [comments]
2020.10.29 13:39 lyridsreign [AETHER][MIDGARDSORMR][FC][LFM] JOIN AZURE INFINITUM! An Active, Organized, and Friendly Community Awaits You! Welcoming Players Of All Experience, Availability, & Play-Style!
We are Azure Infinitum .
You may have seen us in the Aether data center's party finder or seen our recruitment shouts around the realm in-game, but there just isn't enough space in those places to really explain everything wonderful about what our Free Company is.
Azure Infinitum is an LGBTQ+ friendly community.
Here's some facts:
Who We Are
We are an established 5-year old community who's home is in Midgardsormr Server of Final Fantasy XIV. We are a structured, well-rounded, welcoming, friendly, and organized community that hosts daily events that provide opportunity for members to excel. We work to establish strong fellowships and camaraderie between our members. As a community we are driven, we carry each other forward, and we are proud.
Azure Infinitum means "Azure/Blue Infinity or Infinite Blue/Azure" and there is some mythos behind the name that stems from our guild-wide philosophy of kindness, freedom, vigilance, diversity and activity. We promote positive fellowship among members in an organized guild, with our sights open to our unending endless skies, full of possibility and success together.
Our motto is "As Free As The Azure Sky!" which stuck well when our FC was restructured from an old guild in 2014 as Azure was founded, and it was first shouted as we looked out at a clear blue sky above. has continued to be our electric victory as we continue to snowball in success and activity, our members soaring high through the Azure Sky, flying together!
Our community has an organized ranking structure beginning with Members who comprise the majority of the roster. Scouts are our support team of Members who've stepped up to more officially support the FC, some work on obtaining a future leadership rank. Lieutenants and Officers comprise the proud Azure Council, a diverse group of players of different specialties and services to the FC, making up lower and higher tier leadership, seeing over the Scouts and the FC weekly events, aside from being admins. The FC Infinitum Master oversees all and leads the Azure Council and the company forward while always keeping the heart and vision of the community alive and in sight. Currently we are re-assessing ranks in the free company, giving more support permissions and duties to our Scouts, while the current council operates as a small team of Lieutenants lead by the FC Master.
Everyone Who's Welcome and Who Fits Best
We have an open door policy. Whether you're casual, a returning player, a veteran, or a newbie, we have a vast array of players in our 320+ member roster. Our weekly schedule is organized and provides an array of activity for players of most levels, however we like to ask players who're pretty new or under lvl.50 to be extra vocal about their needs while they're still unable to attend daily events or higher level content that most of our weekly lineup focuses on. We want everyone to have as much fun as possible and have the most success. We find that most players enjoy Azure Infinitum, many have stated that they subscribed to FFXIV much longer than they ever would have imagined after they have been around and gotten involved and experienced all that we offer.
Our FC keeps a daily schedule of events that are hosted by permitted Scouts and Council ranks, these range from 8-man and 24-man raids and map parties, to WT journal groups and trial clear parties or farms, and more- and attending anything isn't mandatory at all here. We're happy to have you, and its up to our members how much they'd like to get involved.
We find that some hardcore raiders looking for statics who don't already have one, might not fit well if davage raiding is their only focus, because traditionally Azure does not have a Savage Static, but allows members to organize their own groups and also provides resources to do so. Despite not supporting an official static for the FC, we hope that hardcore raiders enjoy the wealth of our community's harmony and overall fun, and may take initiative to seek out or build a raiding static within our community. Depending on the content season, we may have an Unofficial static lead by an leader.
Because we are generally a PG-13 community (for the most part, see Rules Page at (http://azurefm.com), we find that rude individuals and people who create drama are the outsiders here that don't fit well.
People of Azure Infinitum are often positive players who found their way to our community looking for a place with structure, friendliness, organization, and great activity, or they've been scouted during recruitment drives and have been well screened. Its a place where one can be social and attend everything, or relax in the background and enjoy the services and facilities of being in an active, organized, and friendly FC.
Because we keep a no-drama policy and have a strong communication network, it is leadership's ultimate priority to handle any issues that may come up as soon as possible, and most people appreciate our problem solving which has inspired many other communities.
First and foremost- we have a no-drama policy. We choose people who agree with the philosophy that, "Video games should be fun and enjoyed together without drama" which is simple really, but anyone who agrees and upholds a decent attitude and respects our guidelines are welcome, and that's the only thing expected- upholding our general rules found at azureinfinitum.com.
We believe in our community and its people, how far we can go, how much we can do for each other, being an experienced community who's core values are positive fellowship, formation of bonds, and indomitable unity.
Azure Infinitum tightly grasps success and masters a casual and lucrative weekly play schedule while inspiring motivation and providing avenues for further success, friendships, and camaraderie among all who freely fly together among our Azure skies.
Founding on the principles of intricately forging a generally drama-free experience with keen leadership and a zealous and mighty membership, Azure has striven to guide and support hundreds through every era of Final Fantasy XIV.
With an illustrious history, company lore, impressive statistics, and a model that is adaptable and blessed with innovative ability, Azure Infinitum claims a dominant presence of excellence and player growth that is possible in our community and extended services.
We have the entire set-up at our estate, from gardens for members and Krakka Root production (free for members' chocobos), to our stables, nicely uniform clean lawn with hangout spots that are popular, with crafting stations, all available NPCs for simple mats and repairs, cut-scene viewer, toybox, triple-triad board, a fully operational and geared fleet of airships and subs, and our Azure Infinitum Assembly Chamber on the top floor for our meetings where announcements are made at our Grand Assemblies. Check it out if you like at Mist Ward 7 Plot 1.
We also have an organized form of gathering for weekly events in the yard, places to relax, food that is always available on tables at our Cellar, and hold a lot of special events and social games at our Hall. We're also conveniently located next to a Market Board and a Retainer Bell outside of our estate.
Communication and Extended Azure Services
We have multiple services of which none are mandatory, but we provide being (azureinfinitum.com) where our Forums, Event Calendar, guild E-Magazine, News, Company Meeting Summaries, Seasonal Merch Giveaways, Contests, Rules Page, and more take place and can be found. We also have a popular and active Discord Server.
We also have a Facebook Group, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, PS Community, Steam Group, and Linkshells like our Infinitum Alliance LS for contact and aid from our allies if needed, our Azure Hunters LS for Hunters, and our Azure Industry LS which connects our members to our inner crafting/gathering community for newbies to pros.
Also worthy of mention is our big Company Meetings in-game, known as Azure Infinitum Grand Assemblies. Even though we have such nice ways and services that keep people connected, our live assemblies gather the FC in unity where announcements are made first, and all proposals, ideas, and more, can be decided together live with the Azure Council present.
This network ensures a lot of information and communication gets around and has been exceedingly useful to us.
One part of our reputation that often precedes us is our event crafting and hosting.
First, let me make sure its clear that attendance is never mandatory, but those who can make use, when possible, of what we provide each day, benefit from our events each week.
Since our beginning, traditions like our Thursday Treasure Thursdays events have run each week. Our weekly line-up presently begins on Tuesdays post-weekly reset, and consists of Eden Tuesdays, Wondrous Wednesdays (WT Journal Parties, often doubles as Trial Clears and Pony Drops), Treasure Thursdays (timeworn Gazelleskin map parties that raid 24 maps per party and split gil with the FC Chest for our weekly fundraiser, is very lucrative for weekly attendees), 24-Man Fridays (full pre-formed Azure 24-member alliances are made and raids are cleared, returns in Jan for Ivalice Pt.3), Eureka Weekly Meetup (For Anemos, Pagos, and Pyros presently), Alphascape Catchup Sundays (for folks who didn't get their loot all week yet or still need clears), and Monstrous Mondays (helps clear ARR, HW, and SB trials for members.) Friday Morning Classics runs older raid clears and farms every Friday morning.
Special, Custom Seasonal, and Quarterly Events
We also have what we call Special and Quarterly Events. These types of events are Weekend-Long-Events that usually consist of a theme or celebratory social events we craft. During these events we hold big Riddle Races, Costume/Glamour shows and contests, 3-Story Mansion Maze Races, Speedrun Dungeon Races, Hide and Seek games, Custom Quest Events, Discord events like Cards Against Humanity nights, Comedy events, PVP Tournament Circuits, and more.
Our Special and Quarterly events are Azure Day Weekend (Takes place 3 times a year across a weekend, celebrates the FC), Azure Summer Festival (3-days at the end of August in partnership with Child's Play, raises money for children in long-term care, anniversary of historic FC event called the Lunar Rebellion), Anniversary Azure Day (a big weekend event in November that celebrates our Founding), Azure Day Saint's Wake (celebrates Halloween/All Saint's Wake), Azure Starlight Day (celebrating Starlight Day/Christmas/December Holiday Season), Azure Grand Melee and Duel Tournaments (PVP Circuit series crowning our PVP Champions) and more.
Azure Day Weekends
If you've been around our server you may have heard of our Azure Day Weekends. Our Azure Days take place quarterly as mentioned just above, with four evolved editions called Azure Summer Festival, Azure Day Saint's Wake, Azure Starlight Day, and Anniversary Azure Day. With Azure Day Weekends and related events traditionally occuring in February, May, August, October, November, and December, our members are always excited to see the next big weekend of crazy and fun social games, and our showering of the free company in gil and prizes galore. We go all out when we celebrate the free company, and Azure Days are another way we find for leadership to give back to the community.
We're always giving our members a chance to have fun, win big, and make some great memories in the in-game family we've become.
I almost can't stress enough how friendly our community is. We have a vast variety of members from hardcore gatherers and crafters, social butterflies, chill veterans, experienced raiders, level grinders, support teams, PVP aficionados, mechanic specialists, and mentors. We're also very friendly to all casual players as well and we keep an open door so long as recruits are always aware that we have a no-drama tolerance here.
Evolution into a Gaming Clan
Plans are in the works and foundations are being laid that is slowly turning our community into a larger gaming network, with our first established Azure Branch with regular occurring activity being founded in Monster Hunter World. Becoming a member of our Free Company now means access to things like our huge discord, Azure Branch membership in other games, and being able to join in on any of our other activities in the general community. Azure Network as its being called at the moment, launches in 2020 with an all-new website and community features for playing together across Final Fantasy XIV and to Azure Skies beyond.
Our current Branch activity includes weekly Monster Hunter World (PS4) "Hunt-A-Thon" events occuring every Monday at 7e/6c/4p.
We rank high as one of the top FC's in Worldwide Activity on lodestone, and have for a long time. Most of our players are divided between the US East and West Coasts, members in East and West Canada, and a few outside the US or in EU or Aus zones. Because we do have an activity policy (mentioned below) we keep a standard flow of people, and have crowds in the early morning, late morning, early afternoon, afternoon, evening, and late night crowds.
Our community really can be a broad range of characters, great personalities, the proud, and also some silly goofs. We're always welcoming towards fresh faces interested in joining our guild, and the activity ranges between 30-50+ online at once during prime time hours, sometimes around 70+ on patch days, and usually always with half the roster logging in throughout a 24 hour period, and around 15-30+ during the night.
We ask that our members do not go missing without logging in for more than 60 days straight. If we hear word from someone or have some kind of excuse, we place our members on our On Vacation rank, which lasts presently until 180 days have passed. Exceptions are made for military deployments, hospital stays, financial issues, disability/health related issues, moving, or other reasons that might fall on a case-by-case basis.
All members not heard from in 60 days (roughly 2 months) or currently 180 days (roughly 4 months) are discharged. We allow 3 joins to Azure Infinitum in total, but exceptions can be made due to reasons listed above.
Keeping our roster full of members who have been online and presently play the game actively ensures an active environment for our players who play often. It also keeps our credits and clerical processes balanced across our network, and allows space for new faces to join our big happy in-game family of comrades.
Check out our [Website](azureinfinitum.com) if you'd like to get an idea of our community. Also if interested our [rules](azurefm.com/pages/rules) is here.
How to Join
If you are interesting in joining Azure Infinitum, please register an application at our site and/or FC in-game. You can also seek any of our Scouts, Lieutenants, Officers, or the Master of Azure Infinitum in-game and ask for an invite. You can find their names on the roster page at our website.
If you read everything on this page, you are awesome, and you should let anyone you talk to who recruits you that you read everything on this page which will greatly expedite your invitation to join.
If you have any questions whatsoever feel free to send a /tell in-game to me or any of our Scouts or Lieutenants listed on our official roster here: https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/freecompany/9232519973597911137/membe
You can also message us at our FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/AzureInfinitum
Discord here: https://discord.gg/KXbHuwQ
Community Site: http://azurefm.com/
Community Finder Lodestone
Main Site: https://www.azureinfinitum.com/
submitted by lyridsreign
to FFXIVRECRUITMENT [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 20:24 Rusty_Roads People I want to see in Clone High
Since season 2 has been hyped up for a few months. I'm excited to see if they're going to add any characters. The characters is what gives the show uniqueness. So, I'd like to see a few new additions to the show.
So I'm assuming if they're adding in new characters it's going to be through a plot line. I think the best idea is to have Scudworth want to take on a bigger challenge. So, the secret board of shadowy figures transfers all the students from another Clone High that was shut down.
Hopefully the fan base will be satisfied with this. So the new characters should be
James Dean ( Nickname: Jamie ) - Comes to the school and becomes a lady's man right away. Cleopatra crushes on him, like most of the girls at Clone High. Abe is sad that his chance with Cleopatra is gone and JFK jealous. "Yur tearing me ur apart James Dean"
Marlon Brando - A great actor and poet, Marlon meets Joan at the drama club. Marlon immediately shows interest in her. He repeatedly charms her with his poems, but Abe always swoops in and gets Joan's attention. Over the season, Marlon and Joan hangout more.
Fidel Castro - Becomes JFK's arch nemesis after he stands up for Karl Marx when JFK is picking on him for being "crazy." They both challenge each other to a war but since the school forbids fighting, they just spy on each other instead.
( Princess ) Diana Spencer - Is seen in the background promoting charities and gives good advice to people when they need. She also hates getting her picture taking.
J. Edgar Hoover - Since most teen dramas are now centred around mysteries, having J. Edgar Hoover in the second season is a no-brainer. Gandhi asks for his help on finding out the purpose of Clone High. They go on a deep investigation through out the season. J. Hoover takes it very seriously but Gandhi doesn't.
I can't wait to see what season 2 brings to the table character-wise. Please tell me your thoughts in the comments
submitted by Rusty_Roads
to clonehigh [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 18:02 TracyMinOB Mailbox Drama
Hi all. I don't know if this qualifies as neighbors from Hell, but it was sure annoying!
I live at the end of a cul-de-sac, so my frontage is less than 40'. I have about 5 feet of space for my trash, then my double drive, then a couple feet where my mailbox is, then 3 feet to the light pole that is the property line divider. My next-door neighbor was a single mom with boys. No issue, so was I (mine's grown though).
Then my neighbor placed a basketball hoop & base in the 3-foot space between my mailbox and the light pole (on my property). It became the neighborhood hangout. Within a week, my mailbox was dented. (I took a picture) Another week and I came home, and it was knocked over. (I took a picture)
I asked to and her kids to try to be more careful. I got some Quik-crete and re-cemented it. Weeks later it's on the ground again. I asked her and her kids to try to be more careful. (I took a picture). I re-cemented it again. Within a week, it's on the ground and tossed back into my yard, because it must have been in the way? (I took a picture) I re-cemented it again and asked them to move the hoop. She said it's not her kids, it's the neighborhood kids and she can't do anything about it.
During this wonderful period, we had each met our SO's (who get along well by the way). Now I was also dealing with noise from them, they planted rose bushes on my side of the property line, I've had to return their dogs to them multiple times, and just tossed their dog poo back into their yard.
The end of the standoff came when they didn't just knock over the mailbox & post, they broke the post! The wood was splintered and not salvageable. (I took a picture) I asked them to replace it. She was all apologetic at first. Then an hour later showed up at my door and said her new husband said it wasn't their fault because it was the neighborhood kids. Oh really?????
I started looking at fences. My back yard is completely enclosed with a 6-foot privacy fence, so I was looking for something to tie into that and go to the curb (no sidewalks).
Before I built a fence, I wanted an accurate survey, so my SO made some calls. Turned out the best surveyor in town was the same guy that laid out our subdivision 30 years ago! He pulled all his old notes and was able to quickly find the markers and marked the property line. Meanwhile, the neighbor watched from her porch. They got the point, especially when my SO & I tipped over their basketball hoop off of our property and into the cul-de-sac, then dragged it over to partially block their driveway.
We never did build the fence. They moved the hoop to the other side of their driveway and replaced my mailbox post. Her SO did ask that we would notify them before building a fence so they could move the rose bushes, and we said OK. They’re still there, and we all studiously ignore each other.
Edit: Thanks for the award!
submitted by TracyMinOB
to neighborsfromhell [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 16:00 imhereforletsnotmeet My friend is cutting
At school and after school when we hangout (almost every day) she seems so happy and bubbly. I know she has problems at home but i don’t think there’s much i can do. At night she often sends me messages about how her life sucks and she cries about going back to school. She has told me how her mother is mean to her and doesn’t let her eat but calls her anorexic, throws chairs at her and screams, is abusive in every other way. But sometimes when we are out doing random stuff she talks about her mother in a way that makes it seem like she looks up to her, it’s weird man.
Yesterday she sent me sad messages with a knife emoji, and some time later one that said ’how could i do this to myself?’ Today she showed up to school with a plaster on her wrist. She told our other friend that it was a shaving accident, clearly not. She even showed the scars to us, there were three wide lines on there.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell anyone about it, i don’t want to be an untrustworthy bitch. When i try to talk to her about the stuff she sends me messages about, she laughs it off.
submitted by imhereforletsnotmeet
to Advice [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 13:52 ShawnMilo Backend pro seeking Flutter pro for symbiotic relationship. Devs helping devs -- *not* a "business opportunity."
Note: I am not
looking to start a company or project together.
I'm looking for someone for whom Flutter & Dart are second nature, but who would very much like to be able to create their own back-end applications and have already spent enough time & effort learning to start hitting walls.
I'm a long-time back-end developer. I've been the tech backbone of a couple of startups, and have created production applications from scratch multiple times.
What I've never done well is anything to do with UI. My web pages are ugly but functional. I've never done mobile development.
However, I've found Flutter and it's something I can really get into. I'm doing a course and going through books and it's going pretty well. I can see that I'm going to be able to do amazing things.
Proposal: When I have a "quick stupid question" that's not submitting to my Google-fu, I can IM or e-mail you (Google Hangouts preferred). When you have a "quick stupid question" about backend/API stuff, you can IM me. That's it. If we became friends along the way, that would be fantastic. But not a requirement.
I have over 20 years' experience, mostly back-end and command-line.
Things I'm knowledgeable about:
- SQL (PostgreSQL preferred)
Things I'm not
knowledgeable about or actively avoid:
I'm also anti-ORM and anti-framework, thanks to having a lot of experience with both.
If your interests align with my knowledge, please contact me with your background in Flutter & Dart.
Note: If you disagree with my opinions on anything above, awesome. You may even be right. However, I'm not interested in any flame-wars or arguments, so if you want to educate the world please go write a blog post or record a podcast instead of polluting this thread.
Edit: If you've read this far and think you could use my help but don't think you can help me, that's okay, too! Feel free to reach out.
submitted by ShawnMilo
to FlutterDev [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 10:46 lovelymarella Guard gated neighborhoods & your legal name... has this ever happened to you?
So I met this man once before at his home, everything went smooth for the most part. Wealthy man, and did 1 hr and did not want any intimacy, just hanging out. After that meet I would have random messages from him strange enough, trying to negotiate or otherwise just ask weird questions, to where I told him flat out, if he tries to negotiate or is unwilling to hangout on my terms I will block him. So, after a couple attempts over a few weeks where I missed his texts asking if I was available. He calls me, asking to hangout with him and another female. He sends photos and she appears to be another worker. I tell him it will be my couples rate, he agrees on multiple hours. However he then tells me he has moved and that I will need to give him my legal name to get through the gate. I’ve been to many guard gated subdivisions (including places where known celebrities/their families live) and I’ve never had an issue when they called and told the gate workers my “escort” name, and I had all the info on who I was visiting, they called the home owner, eventually it’s always worked out. This man insists there was no way. While yes it was one of the nicest & newest developments... I’m just like uhm okay then, come MEET me at the gate, or have your female friend meet me at the gate with you... it’s like what is wrong with you? You think I’m going to give you my real name because you’re willing to spend a couple grand on a date and now there’s $ on the line and I’m supposed to do whatever to not miss out. I just can’t stand people who have no respect or understanding for why I would want my privacy. So he basically then calls off the whole date because apparently there was just no other way for me to meet him in his home without giving my real name. Have you ever been in this situation? I definitely call bullshit and there was some alternative option to how we could get passed the issue. I got the initial impression on our first meet that he’s a sneaky/obsessive person, but very nonchalant and the average person wouldn’t pick up on it, the type who makes many assumptions about you (maybe even falsely so you correct him in detail), asks many questions about your work, etc. Definitely the last type of person I would ever consider sharing any of my info with even long down the road. SO, have any of you ever not been able to work your way around concierge or gates without divulging your true ID and name? I’ve always gotten thru once they called the person I was going to, and the name I gave matched the name they told them, without needing to give my ID. I’m just irritated at this because I’m wondering what the true intent was, if this just became a controlling situation like he wanted my info if we were to hangout... baiting me with a longer bigger $ date? Also it sucks when you get up and get going for that first 10 minutes thinking your about to have a call and make $, and then get shut down. It’s just at this point in my escorting career I’ve shedded the more desperation stages where I would make exceptions to keep the date. To me it’s plain disrespect and disregard to my comfortability, and I’m going to stand my ground. I even feel like in the way the conversation ended his tone of voice sounded somewhat condescending like I really just “missed out”. Okay end rant, but I am curious if anyone has had a similar experience of any sorts.
submitted by lovelymarella
to HighEndEscorts [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 10:28 Unlucky_Letterhead_3 Is this a toxic relationship?
Background story, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and some months now. I can say I fell in love with him and we’ve had our ups and downs but the one that just keeps repeating itself is the one that’s linked with his best friend (gay experience bf when they were 15). He’s told me about all the wild sex they’ve had when they were 16 and how they haven’t crossed that line ever again (which idk if it’s true). Well I have never meet his best friend even though I’ve made several honest attempts to hangout. It’s just weird that he always seems to have an excuse to not be able to meet up at the last min so I’ve given up. Here is where things get weird, my boyfriend and I start setting up more Detailed boundaries on what we think is appropriate with regards to texting and communicating with other guys. We agree that we can’t send any inappropriate pictures or sexual texts to friends, which I have Zero issues with. Months go by and something in my gut kept telling me to ask my boyfriend if him and his best friend are sticking to that boundary we have set and I asked him about 5 times and he swore on his moms life that it has made it crystal clear and they haven’t done anything like that. One day we are hanging out and his friend calls him and he acts weird (around 11 pm). So after they talk his friend messages him and says man I just really wanted to talk to you about my cum guzzling adventure. So I got mad and went home. Later he opened his mouth that his friend would send dick pics and pics of the guys he would hookup with. Talk and compare about the adventures they had. Which he said they would compare and compete who would get the better dick when he was single. My issue is he was the one who said no inappropriate talk with anyone including friends and how my bf would delete and hide the conversations they had . I told him that this isn’t the first time we’ve had issues regarding his best friend. He reached out to his best friend and said that the conversations they’ve been having isn’t okay and his best friend said I was manipulative, toxic, and controlling. His best friend is an alcoholic and plays that card a lot. So my BF said he was going to ignore him for awhile, now my BF said he’s been messaging him and that’s when I lost my shit and told him if he and his best friend can’t respect our boundaries than either he goes or I do. He said he would delete and block his best friend but now I feel like shit. Any advice 😔
submitted by Unlucky_Letterhead_3
to askgaybros [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 04:23 Yellow-bAnAnA-14 My house has ants and my dad wants me to kill them.
So, for some context, there are ants that have been at my house for at least a month now, their path that they use to walk around passes my betta fish tank(sometimes I see the little guys on the tank too, but I just grab them and put them back on the path). I sometimes put some crushed up betta pellets there for them to take back to their nest and I really like observing them doing so, I also just observe them sometimes when I hangout with my betta fish, so you can tell we have quite the connection. Then, after weeks of not noticing shirt, my dad suddenly says that there are ants and wants me to get rid of them before he uses the bug spray and some of it gets into the betta's water(an incident happened before with spray hand sanitizer, he sprayed himself with hand sanitizer before walking into the living room, and a bit got into the betta tank water, so to put myself in a better, "non-disrespectful" light, I yelled at my dad), now that, THAT is where I draw the forking line, I have always understood that my family does not like animals, and I have respected that, but to threaten the life of my forking pet is unacceptable, you may think I'm overreacting, but I'm really not. I have had to deal with the forking shirt from my dad of him treating my betta fish like a fucking object and talking about it like it doesn't have a fucking life. AnYwAyS, I have followed the ants' tracks and know that their path leads upstairs, but it cuts off at the stairs and I do not know where they go after that. I really don't want to kill them, and honestly if it were up to me I'd leave them there, they have their path in an area which doesn't bother nobody. I do not know what to do, I don't want my baby to get fucking poisoned but at the same time I don't want to kill the ants.
Basically: My house has ants, my dad wants me to commit murder to the ants, or he will commit murder to my fish AND the ants, I like the ants, cause they cool, and I like my fish too, cause he cool, the only thing to do would be get rid of ants, but me don't know where ants live, me also do not want to kill the ants, so, how?
submitted by Yellow-bAnAnA-14
to Pets [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 00:29 ThrowRA_ShattereMe (F17) 6months pregnant, cheated on by my drug addict boyfriend, betrayed by friend, no where to go..
Throw away since my soon to be ex uses reddit frequently. Also on mobile, sorry for typos. I just need to get everything out before I lose mind to the world around me that's crumbling quickly.
I don't even know if this is the proper subreddit but here it goes
This all just happened and I'm so scared. I (f17) have been dating my boyfriend (m20) "Cole" for about a year now. We met at a restaurant that he worked at. I gave him flirty eyes, he caught on, gave flirty eyes back and eventually I gave him my number. Things were AMAZING at first. He'd take me out to do all of my favorite things like nature walks and hikes. He'd surprise me with my favorite dish from the restaurant. He always made me feel special and safe. He even surprised me once by taking me to a festival where some of his family would volunteer. From there, he started introducing me as his girlfriend. I was surprised by this as he never asked me officially but I found it flattering at the time. He was very open and honest about his past heroin addiction. He went into details about fights and car accidents that he's gotten into because of it. He even explained about times he'd stolen money and several times he had OD'ed. He oddly took pride in this and would practically sing about how he literally could not die (even though he's wanted to for a long time).
I know what you guys might be thinking- why get involved when I'm literally being smacked with giant red flags? Well, like I said, it was his past. I could never judge someone for whay they've done, only how they plan on bettering themselves. At the time we started dating, he wasn't using. He was vaping to compensate and drank a few times. I didn't mind it too much as it was always super cheap wine and I like the smell of some of the juices he'd vape (I don't smoke, though). Probably niave and oblivious on my part. Eventually, I move in with him as my home life was beyond toxic. My dad isn't in the picture and my mom just clubs constantly (pre covid anyways), comes home drunk with different men every week. It was exhausting, so I left.
As the relationship progressed, his behavior started to change a bit. He was more angry and agitated. He became controlling and questioned me everytime I'd hangout with my guy friends. Mind you, I barely have female friends. I vibe better with dudes and the ones I hangout with are super nerdy and harmless. We usually hangout, get takeout and play video games or watch anime. I've invited Cole to these things. He actually joined once but it wasn't his jam. He preferred people who were into muscle cars and vaping. Neither of my friends and I smoke or care about cars.
I've never given him a reason not to trust me. My phone is open to him, my friends all know of him, he can ask me anything and I always answer truthfully. I want him to know thay he's safe with me. As someone who has never dealt with someone with an addiction or previous addiction, I wanted to do all I could to make sure he was comfortable in our relationship and that if he ever felt like he was slipping or having bad thoughts, I'd be there for him.
As time goes on, things don't get any better. Eventually, he became the only person I'd hangout with since we're now locked up together. Bedore the pandemic, he'd even want me to hangout at his job til he got out. And I would. Eventually, I find out I'm pregnant. I'm terrified but he seems to be excited. I considered abortion (I don't feel ready to be a parent and I don't think he's stable enough) but he begged me to keep it. He told me that he believed he couldn't have children because he thought the drugs ruined him to the point of being sterile. He said this was his miracle child. I guess in a way he made me believe things would be better...HE would be better if I kept this baby. So I said okay.
He was doing great at first helping me and taking care of me as my belly got bigger. He was always rubbing my feet, bringing me food, asking if I need anything. Suddenly he was becoming mean and distant again. I couldn't understand why. I thought maybe it was anxiety from our due date approaching fast.
Today, I get a message from my friend "Drake" and he says "Hey, we need to talk. Can you come over?" I thought something was wrong so I didn't think twice despite the pandemic. At this point, Cole is actually out helping his dad with his car. I get to my friends house and to my surprise my other friend "Josh" is there too (we have masks and SDing). I'm just like "whaaaats going on??" Josh then drops the bomb.
Apparently, Josh has a female friend who we'll call "Nikki". Nikki apparently caught wind that Cole was seeing another girl that she knew. I guess Nikki and Josh were hanging out yesterday and she was scrolling through her insta. On her feed was a picture of her friend and Cole. Josh said something along the lines of "Oh, hey it's Cole. Who's that with him?" And things opened up from there. Josh showed me screenshots of Nikki's friends insta which was loaded with pictures of her friend and Cole dating back to about 3 months ago. I have literally zero social media except snapchat so I would have never known. They looked so happy together. I was devastated. I felt my ears go deaf and my body go numb. It didn't end there.
I broke down and cried. I thanked Josh for telling me but I was terrified of how I was supposed to get out of this situation. We're all still young and my friends all live with their parents still so it wasn't like they could help me as much as they wanted. Josh offered for me to stay for a few nights but his parents are weird about opposite genders having sleepovers, let alone a pregnant girl during a pandemic. I told him I need a minute to think so there I was, sitting out alone on the porch steps. I started texting my friend "Becky" and just unloading on her. I felt like I needed a girls perspective and I know Becky has been cheated on before and came out just fine. Her responses were normal at first and then got weird. She started asking questions like "is this the first time he's done this? How do you know?". I didn't but I also wasn't exploring other female possibilities in my mind til now. I asked her if she knew something and y'all. This is exactly why I don't have female friends. She tells me her and Cole have done stuff together a few times and that she needed to be honest.
Honest my ass.
I felt my whole world go cold and silent. I don't respond. How could I? That's the 2nd nife in my back from Cole and another from Becky. I legitimately feel like I'm dying. This pain I feel in my chest and in my soul. I'm drowning and don't want to breathe anymore. Here I am. 17, pregnant and cheated on. TWICE. This is the most alone I've ever felt. I don't know how to process any of this. I'm so scared that my stress levels could harm my baby even though I didn't want her in the first place. Now I'm just walking around the block over and over. Cole should be heading back home soon. He'll know somethings up. I'm scared to approach him. I'm afraid of what he'll do if he feels like he's being back up into a corner.
Even more so, where do I go? I lost my job because of the pandemic. Cole was supporting us by doing odd jobs and car work. I have no money, no where to live and a baby on the way. I could go back to my mom but that's no environment for a baby, nor is there room for a nursery. I thought of doing a go fund me but who will see it when I have no social media? Who will even donate during a pandemic where others have lost jobs as well? It doesn't seem worth the trouble.
I've heard of women's shelters and I know I can find a food pantry or something but it still doesn't help that I don't have an ideal living situation for my baby or for recovering after birth.
Guys...I'm so scared. Why did this have to happen? I feel as though my only choice is to sweep this under the rug until baby is born and I can work and save up money again and run away with my baby. At least with Cole I'll have a bed to sleep in, food to eat and a room for the baby. Is this what he wanted? Is this how he wanted to make me feel? That I am nothing without him?
How do I move forward? ...
**Before people ask, I dropped out of school once I found out I was pregnant. I planned to pursue my GED once the pandemic was over as I do value my education but idk how that's gonna happen now..
submitted by ThrowRA_ShattereMe
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2020.10.28 00:13 tyronewang77 I think I fell in love. OMG.
Last time, I made a post about this foreign exchange student who is studying at a nearby university and has a huge dick. We are supposed to meet on Sunday but because we are so horny and he has no class today, we agreed to meet last night.
I always thought I'm good on bed. All of my hook ups said I made them crazy because I have a good way of teasing their cocks with my mouth. But this guy made me question my own assessment. I couldn't swallow more than half of his dick because it hurt jaw. I also couldn't take it in my ass. No matter how much calm myself down, it hurt and it made me cry. So he ended up asking me to jerk him off while we kiss or I suck his nipples. I can tell he's disappointed, and it made me feel bad.
I thought it was the end for us. But while I was looking at the mirror while fixing myself, he suddenly gave me a back hug. He made a comment about how cute we look together because I'm so small (5'4") while he's tall (5'11"-ish?). Then, he carried me to the bed and tickled me. After we get tired, he hugged me again. He asked if my ass hurts so much, apologized if it did, and hoped that warm hug could at least help ease the pain. Then, he kissed me in the forehead and pulled me closer.
As his body heat radiated towards me, I felt like someone walking in the cloud. This feeling was making me so high, and I don't even know why!!!
After that, he offered to buy a takeout. We went to a park, and ate it while leaning at the trunk of his car. The sky was starry that night and we enjoyed looking at it while we talk about some random stuff. He still struggled to speak my language, so we often switch to English instead, and maaaaan, he has a way of making me feeling romantically excited through his words. He even put his hand on my shoulder, pulled me closer, and sang an English romance song (not sure what song is that. I remember a line "just kiss me tonight" or something). He's voice is warm and deep.
Then, he sent me home and asked if we could still hangout. Of course, i said yes. Then, he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes again. He smiled sweetly and pulled me close to plant some smack on my lips.
When I entered my unit, I can't help but jump like a teenager who just had their first date. It's so amazing.
And it wasn't just an illusion. He sent me an email earlier this morning, asking me again if we could hang out because he wanted to try this ramen shop. We will meet at ten, which is an hour from now. I'm so excited.
UPDATE: We just had our lunch date. There wasn't anything worth mentioning aside from how we casually talk about anime. We had a fun debate about whether or not Sakura (of Naruto) deserved to be the next hokage. It is really fun to have someone who shares a common interest.
I just got home (he has to do some school work for now). He said he will come again for dinner to continue our debate.
UPDATE FOR THE DINNER DATE:
So he fetched me around 8pm and apologized because he forgot about it. Tbh I forgot about it too since I was working at home, and I didn't realize it was late. So anyway, we just had a takeout because he really wants me to see his anime merch collection. His apartment is a small, studio type one but I bet it costs fortune since we are in the city and the COL in my area is no joke.
Anyway, his collection isn't grandeur as I thought but was still hyped anyway especially after I saw his sketchpad. I didn't know he can draw. Holy shit. that's probably my biggest frustration. He uses water color as his medium, and damn, it is so amazing. He uses warm color pallete which is my favorite style too.
So we had dinner. We were at the center table and were sitting in the floor with our back resting at the sofa bed (basically sofa that can be converted to bed). We continued our fun debate, and we ended up trash talking each other. I'm not the type who does that a lot but damn, i was laughing non-stop.
After we finished our dinner, he put his arm on my soulder and pulled me closer. He complimented about how nice I smell. Then we did make out. It was a slow passionate kiss. I tried to suck him again but it really hurt my jaws. He said it was fine. Instead he humped his dick against mine while we kiss until both of us cums. Then, we took a bath together where we shared another kiss.
After that, I hanged with him for a bit. He was only in his boxer brief. Damn, I swore he's hot. He's actually in between fat and muscular, but he's hella sexy in my eyes. Nice pecs, and soft tummy I wanna use as pillow 😭 He really wanted me to stay with him because it felt nice for him that he finally found someone who could vibe with him. He arrived in my country last year but never got many friends. My country is quite xenophobic after all and he was unlucky that there is no fellow foreign exchange student among his classmates so he spent most of his time alone. He was even thinking of going back to India but the rona locked him down here. He had friends ofc, but due to language barrier, he struggled to communicate with them. So meeting me who can speak English in conversational level was god sent for him. He also said that it's a bonus that he has a huge crush on me. Well, we met in Blued (an Asian version of Tinder) actually. According to him, he's been following me for months because I'm so cute, so he was surprised when I chatted him. We still haven't talked about dating officially. I mean, we just know each other for a few days. But if he asked me, I'll definitely say yes.
submitted by tyronewang77
to askgaybros [link] [comments]
2020.10.27 22:01 TeenageProblemms My Flaky (I don't know if I would call her Fake) Best Friend - WARNING ITS LONGGG
I have a friend who is making me lose my mind at the moment. Every few days for the past- well a lot of months, I can't even count them all, she's been making plans with me to hang out. I get ready and go meet her at the time and instead of her showing up, she lets me wait there for a good half an hour and then texts me that she "couldn't make it".
Another quick thing to mention- the girl is literally my neighbor and I've been friends with her for about 3 years now, she calls herself my best friend, but I'm starting to get annoyed because she's been flaky with me ever since we started hanging out outside of school (corona break happened).
She never shows up and sometimes it makes me feel as though she's just making plans with me so she can fill my slot and I can't make plans with my other friends. The point where it really got me annoyed was when she suggested we go running at 6:30 AM, so I got up, and low and behold, she didn't show. Not even a text that she wouldn't be able to make it so I could go back to bed or know to go out without her. Instead, I waited till 7:50 ish before I told myself she wasn't responding and that I should go back to bed.
I'd like to be nice to her but I'm just really annoyed. That's not even the first time she did the running thing, she showed up the first time and the next 5 times was a no-show. So after I figured out she bailed, I had to change back into my PJ's and take my hair out and everything and then go back to bed. I'm just so done.
When we normally hangout, we actually "hang out" and walk around, well that's what we did the two out of fifty times she showed up. Sorry if this is a lot to read but I figured more information would help.
After she bails on me, she doesn't text me back or even respond to me for a while, sometimes she waits days, sometimes weeks, before she gets bored and texts me or I get worried about her. And I'm not done yet- sorry this is so long, but I need opinions on what to do because it's driving me crazy.
Our text convos are usually just me texting her a bunch or paragraphs or lots of lines and her not responding for days or more, and then eventually responding back with a text that's composed of a few words.
I've talked to her about her "love for bailing on me" before and all she responded with was "Uhm no you never respond when I text you and it's annoying, maybe I should get you a collar"- and then she laughed it off a bit after I visibly got a bit annoyed.
Whenever she does text me back, it's when she knows that I"m busy (I have extra classes every Tuesday from 4-6 after school) and that's when she always texts me. It dings over and over until I tell her quickly "that I have class" and then she tries to make it a conversation. It really annoys me.
Not just that, but she's a difficult friend, she would talk to me about her other friends and how she has so many best friends, and then a friend of mine would come up to me to talk to me and she would start with how she automatically doesn't like them and how she's my best friend and all this bs.
I've called her out on it and straight-up told her that I'm not her pooch and that I can have other friends because it doesn't matter who I hang out with, she always dismisses them and makes up some remark they said to her when she's never met them.
I know that I"m her only friend because I'm the only one that can tolerate it and she doesn't hang out with anybody else. She used to have a good amount of friends and then they all left and started ignoring her.
Not just that but whenever she makes excuses I always catch her in her lies, for example, she'll say "my mom turned off my wifi so we can't go" and then add "wanna ft tho?" after it. I know you need wifi to ft, or at least a phone, which she doesn't have. Apparently, she can use her computer or something? I'm not sure because it never works or goes through.
I've made it clear to her that every time she bails on me it hurts but she continues to do it. Now I'm going to wrap it up because this is getting long, but I've tried ignoring her texts for a few days in the past, and all that did was make her ignore me for longer (it lasted 3-4 weeks once).
Whenever we hang out it just feels like everything is a competition about who's better, but I just wanna giggle about silly stuff, not have her dismiss every okay thing in my life because apparently, she's some royal diva. Like for example, I could tell her my grandpa died and she would go, "oh that's cool, well my dad is super emotional because like 17 years ago, his mom died- oh and like 5 years before that- so like 22 years in total- ago, his dog died"- and then she starts spiraling about it and going on and on about it (the worst part is this exact conversation actually happened), almost like it's a show and she's the talk host, and I'm the audience who has to clap and praise her every word.
What I"m saying is, it doesn't feel like a real friendship. Most of these conversations happen over text because we don't actually hang out outside of that. Also a quick note, I know coronavirus is a thing, but her sister has friends over all the time, and she constantly goes on vacation to these different places, so that can't be a bother compared to my family who sits at home and thinks that social interaction with friends is great during this time.
Sorry, this was so long, but she's ignoring me again after bailing on me yesterday AGAIN so I'm ranting about it because I've reached my endpoint on how much this can happen. Thanks, feel free to give, literally anything, tips, stories, opinions, questions, anything.
submitted by TeenageProblemms
to Advice [link] [comments]